Edward Current says “Evolution Shmevolution!”

Ed’s back with another devastating(ly funny) demolition of Evolution:

Watching his videos always gives me a weird feeling of deja vu.

Apple’s newest Mac as presented by The Onion.

We have several Mac fans here at work and I often harass them about how Apple seems to think a mouse with two buttons is too complicated for its customers. This new laptop is the next logical step:

Edward Current takes on the Five Biggest LIES About Christianity.

Edward Current is back with more subtle satire that’s right on the money:

Found over at the Atheist Media Blog.

Betty Bowers, America’s Best Christian, explains the proper way to pray.

I hadn’t ever heard of Betty Bowers before, but if all her stuff is as funny as this video clip:

… then I’m going to start paying a lot more attention.

Found via Way of the Woo.

Edward Current is back and he wants to “Keep Porno Out Of Daycare Centers!”

This time he has ads for Kevin Smith’s new movie in his sights:

As always, if you didn’t know it was satire ahead of time then you might not be able to tell. Funny stuff.

Found over at the Atheist Media Blog.

Edward Current’s “God Is Not A Jerk”

More satire from Edward Current:

The sad part is I’ve actually had some True Believers™ use that argument on me.

How come you never see this sort of news story?

SEB regular Lordklegg sends along a link to a satirical news item about an atheist who sees an image of the big bang in a piece of toast. It’s damned amusing, but my favorite bit has to be this one:

Ever since news of the discovery made national headlines, local hoteliers have been overwhelmed by an influx of atheists from all over the country who have flocked to Huddlesfield to catch a glimpse of the scientific relic. “I have always been an Atheist and to see my life choices validated on a piece of toast is truly astounding” said one guest at the Huddlesfield arms hotel.

Sounds absolutely ludicrous doesn’t it? And yet newspapers around the world are filled with similarly ridiculous stories about True Believers™ finding images of Jesus or the Virgin Mary in various random inanimate objects and ascribing all manner of improbable benefits to the discovery and it seems no one bats an eyelash.

Saturday Morning Confusion!

Here we are with our usual Saturday Morning Confusion about the world at large, and people in particular.

This week the decision on who to nominate for “Asshole of the Week!” did little to help the situation, since it seems everybody and his brother was eager to claim the title.

(By the way, “Everybody and his Brother,” are in no way related to Buddy Whats’is Name and the Udder Fellers!”)

I sorted through a long list of candidates and came up with a few possible suspects that were certainly deserving of the title.

The first of these lucky people is Harry Nibourg and his mis-guided co-horts who helped put together the Canadian Big Valley Creation Science Museum out in Western Canada, where a lot of these idiots live.

He says they hope it will help convince skeptics that their belief in a literal interpretation of the Bible—complete with massive flood, dinosaurs walking the earth side-by-side with humans and a seven-day plan only 6,000 years ago to get it all started—is based on scientific fact rather than blind faith.

(Goes to show we don’t need no stinkin’ American museum to confuse everyone, we can do it quite well on our own!)

“Evolution is not a science—please, please don’t call it a science,” Nibourg said as he walked through the one-room museum he has spent years and hundreds of thousands of dollars bringing into existence.

(This alone is enough to have this asshole nominated and then committed!)

Next are the U.S. Republicans in general for suggesting that nuclear weapons should not be ruled out in our disagreement with Iran.

A second-tier candidate, California Rep. Duncan Hunter, was more direct, saying the United States reserved the right to dissuade Iran militarily in any manner it chose.

“I would authorize the use of tactical nuclear weapons if there was no other way to preempt those particular centrifuges!”

“You shouldn’t take any options off the table,” said the leader in the Republican pack, former New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani, when asked whether a tactical nuclear strike might be necessary.

The only reason they weren’t automatic winners, hands down, of “Assholes of the week” was the fact that I believe this was only political rhetoric, and in no way an actual rational proposal. (Although you never know!)

Our next candidate was Roy Pearson, a District of Columbia administrative law judge, who first sued Custom Cleaners over a pair of pants that went missing two years ago.

He was seeking about $65 million under the D.C. consumer protection act and almost $2 million in common law claims. Through the goodness of his heart he has reduced the claim to $54 million!

He is now focusing his claims on signs in the shop -that have since been removed- that Jin Nam Chung, Soo Chung and Ki Chung committed fraud and misled consumers with signs that claimed “Satisfaction Guaranteed” and “Same Day Service.”

This is a perfect example of a need for a change in the U.S. libel laws.

If you initiate a lawsuit and lose, you should pay the other sides legal bills. This would reduce frivolous litigation immediately.

Yes, there are lots of candidates for this prestigious award of “Asshole of the week” and after much deliberation I had to give the prize to the Vermont State Police Force and State Police Sgt. Todd Protzman.

Displaying the Hubris that is so prevalent amongst law enforcement officials, they charged and arrested a woman for staring at, and making faces at, a police dog!!!

Prosecuting a woman for `staring’ at a police dog is absurd,” said her lawyer.

“People are allowed to make faces at police dogs and officers to express their disapproval.

It’s constitutional expression,” said public defender Kelly Green, who represented Jayna Hutchinson.

Hutchinson, 33, of Lebanon, N.H., was charged with cruelty to a police animal and resisting arrest after a July 31 incident in West Fairlee in which police were called to a market to investigate a report of a brawl.

They were approached by Hutchinson, who told one officer she had been assaulted the day before by one of the men involved.

She asked Vermont State Police Sgt. Todd Protzman to take her statement but he refused, telling her she smelled like alcohol and was drunk but that he would take her statement at another time.

After a heated exchange, she approached Protzman’s cruiser, where his dog Max was waiting, putting her face within inches of the window and “staring at him in a taunting/harassing manner,” Protzman wrote in an affidavit.

“While the defendant taunted my canine, Max was focused on the defendant and the perceived threat she presented to him,” the affidavit said. “He was no longer focused on me and the other officers at the scene.”

Officers arrested Hutchinson, adding the resisting arrest charge because she pulled her arms and upper body away during the arrest.

She registered 0.21 percent blood-alcohol content on a breath test, more than twice the legal limit for drivers in Vermont. (except she wasn’t driving!)

On Tuesday, two days before Hutchinson was to go to trial, Orange County State’s Attorney Will Porter decided to drop the charges, after viewing a videotape of the incident over the weekend.

“I think it was going to be difficult to prove her conduct changed the dog’s behavior,” Porter said. “Most of the time (in harassment cases) people would come tell the court what it felt like. Dogs can’t do that.”

Without the cruelty charge, jurors would be unlikely to convict her on the resisting arrest, Porter said.

So, to Sgt. Todd Protzman and the cops in Orange Country N.H. goes our coveted Asshole of the Week trophy!!!!

Your “hush, hush, and on the Q.T.” scribe;
Allan W Janssen