True Bible Decoders are up to over 200+ wrong guesses about the end of the world.

As long as we’re talking about True Believers™ making predictions about the end of the world according to the Bible we can’t forget the folks who make Harold Camping look like a rank amateur when it comes to being wrong: The True Bible Code and Lord’s Witnesses.

The last time we visited with them was back in October of 2009 at which point they’d been at it for 3 years and had amassed a total of 171 wrong guesses using the tried and true method of moving the date back a couple of weeks every time their prediction failed to come to pass. You’d think it would eventually sink into their thick skulls that they haven’t a clue what they’re doing, but then you’d be underestimating how thick some skulls can be because they’re still predicting away:

There will be a terrorist attack on the US taking the form of fire from the heavens and a rising mushroom cloud on 2010Ab24 (2010August6-7) in the 6th hour of the Hebrew day. The attack will hit Westside Midtown Manhattan producing a man made mushroom cloud rising from the Hudson river.

Now would be the time to buy 2 years supply of candles, solar power, wind power, food, water, gas bottles, deisel etc. for yourself your loved ones and some guests.

[…] We are not going to meet Jesus at 30,000 feet. We shall meet him in heaven. The other half of us who do not learn this lesson will destroy both ourselves our society and our planet, which will react with an extinction level volcanic event presumably caused by Nuclear war and Global warming in our present understanding. The planet will literally vomit us off and heal itself at our expense in a natural payback designed into the earth by God. Armageddon culminates with the greater volcanic destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah in scriptural terms, the greater flood of Noah, only with a different fluid, molten lava. God will then resurrect these ‘slow learners’, put them in Hell. There he will show them the video of mankind’s self destruction, and ask them the following type of rhetorical question: OK boys, where do you think you went wrong here? The first birth pang of the coming Kingdom of God, is a terrorist nuclear attack on the USA in our present understanding…

We now predict a terrorist attack using a form of fire from the heaven that we cannot conclusively determine, but we think may be nuclear. The US will be hit with a with a weapon producing a mushroom cloud rising from the sea (1Kings18), hitting midtown Westside Manhattan, near the Hudson river on 2010Ab24 (2010August6-7) during the 6th hour of the Hebrew day.

We are warning you about this, so that when it happens you know that God has spoken of this event beforehand and in fact will save us from nuclear annihilation in the near future…

Got that? This is all set to go down a week from tomorrow. Of course, that’s been the case for the better part of the last almost four years. Had you been gearing up with every warning these nutcases sent out you’d have enough crap stockpiled to support your whole state for a decade.

Don’t expect these folks to give up anytime soon as this is what True Faith is all about. It doesn’t matter how many times they fail to get the date right because they believe if they keep guessing eventually they’ll be proven correct and boy will the rest of us look stupid for not listening to them when we had the chance.

It’s the same reason I doubt Harold Camping’s nutcases will give up when their date of March 21st, 2011 comes and goes without a rapture. He was wrong back in 1994 and it only cost him a few believers. The ones that are left as just as fanatical as ever about their belief in their leader’s predictive abilities. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he’s back within a couple of years with yet another prediction, assuming he doesn’t die first as he is in his upper 80’s. Death is probably the only thing that’ll get him, and the True Bible Decoder nutcases, to stop.

After 3 years and 171 wrong guesses the True Bible Decoders are still at it.

We last checked in with the The True Bible Code and Lord’s Witnesses people almost a year ago at the start of December 2008. At that point they were on guess number 126 that New York would be hit with a terrorist attack of some sort.

Now they’re up to guess number 172:

There will be a terrorist attack on the US taking the form of fire from the heavens and a rising mushroom cloud between 2009Tishr1 and 2009Tishri10 (September23-October3). The attack will hit Westside Midtown Manhattan producing a man made mushroom cloud rising from the Hudson river. 

Now would be the time to buy 3 years supply of candles, solar power, wind power, food, water, gas bottles, deisel etc. for yourself your loved ones and some guests. 

Because, honestly, if you can’t trust the advice of someone who has been wrong 171 times already then who’s advice can you trust? They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I think these folks prove that adage quite well.

Each time I’ve visited their page over the past few years it has grown longer as they rush to invent new evidence to explain why their last prediction failed to come to pass. You do have to give them credit for owning up to their past failures. Though even they have lost count claiming they’ve only been wrong 155 times, or maybe only 145 times depending on, as they say themselves, how you count them, when it’s really 171. I know, I counted them up just to be sure.

They offer a Biblical justification for their continued attempts in the face of so much failure:

Why do the LWs keep predicting a nuclear terrorist attack from the bible when they have got it wrong so many times before?

Jesus said:
7 Keep on asking, and it will be given you; keep on seeking, and you will find; keep on knocking, and it will be opened to you.
8 For everyone asking receives, and everyone seeking finds, and to everyone knocking it will be opened (Matthew7).

Either you believe those words or your prefer the promises of Ferenc Gyurcsan, the Hungarian Prime Minister.

Jesus’ words do not mean that we should knock once or twice. They mean that we should keeping knocking until the door opens. For that is the promise. They do not mean that we should seek here and once we have done that we should seek there. They mean that we should seek everywhere until we find. For that is the promise. They do not mean that we should ask once or twice. They mean that we should ask every day and every hour of every day until we are answered. For that too is the promise.

And that is what we have done. And that is what we shall continue to do, God willing, because unlike the wonderful hungarian prime minister whose candour about his dishonesty is like a refreshing stream of truth in a desert of deception, Jesus is true to his word all the time. He is good for every one of his promises and he delivers what he says he will deliver. He does what he says he will do.

The only way we will not find is if we stop seeking. The only way it will not be opened to us is if we stop knocking. And the only way we will not be answered is if we stop asking.

In short they keep guessing because they have no doubts the event they are predicting will come to pass. They just can’t seem to figure out when it will happen, but that’s OK because if you keep on guessing then sooner or later you’ll either be right or die of old age. Guess which outcome I’d wager a bet on?

The fact that they keep asking (or rather guessing) and Jesus keeps not answering is no reason for these folks to stop guessing. It just means they need to guess again and again and again. They’re like the small child in the backseat of the car on a long road trip constantly asking “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? How about now? Are we there yet?” Only there’s no parent in the front seat or, for that matter, a car. Which is probably for the best because after a 171 questions that parent would probably be ready to murder them for a little peace and quiet.

Incidentally I have no idea why they bring up the Hungarian Prime Minister. There’s probably mention of him someplace further up the page, but I didn’t bother to read the whole thing as it’s a lot of nonsense to wade through.

So we’ll check in in another 6 months, or year, or the next time I get bored and remember that these idiots are out on the web, just to see what the count is up to. Maybe they’ll get lucky some day and someone will do something in New York that’s close enough to what they’re waiting for that they can stop guessing and do a little “see I told you so” dance. I can just hear them now: “So what if it took us a couple of thousand guesses? In the end we were right!”

The True Bible Decoder whack jobs are still at it.

We last check in with the nutcases at the The True Bible Code and Lord’s Witnesses website back on May 15, 2008. They were up to failed prediction number seventy at the time and predicting that a terrorist attack would strike New York City on either the weekend of the 23rd or 27th of that month.

Have they given up yet? Ha ha! What are you, stupid?

There will be a dual terrorist attack on the US and the UK taking the form of fire from the heavens and a rising mushroom cloud, in 2008Heshvan (before 2008December3). The US arm of the attack will hit Westside Midtown Manhattan producing a man made mushroom cloud rising from the Hudson river. The UK arm will most likely occur on the same day but may be a few days later.

Now would be the time to buy 12 months supply of candles, solar power, wind power, food, water, gas bottles, deisel etc. for yourself your loved ones and some guests.

So they’ve expanded their list of potential targets to include someplace in United Kingdom in addition to New York City. They’re up to the triple digits in number of failed predictions so far and are they at all embarrassed about it? No, not at all. In fact it’s become a point of pride for them:

Now some churches have attempted to deduce the date of the begining of the Kingdom of God from the scriptures and got it wrong a few times. God bless them! The Watchtower was the most tenacious of these and made perhaps 6 or 7 steps towards that date, their last step being 1975, which is 6,000 years after Adam was born according to their pre-flood chronology which is very good. But then they gave up at what was actually the last fence. Because the Kingdom of God begins not 6,000 years after Adam was born but 6,000 years after he sinned, since his sin was the founding of the world, not his birth. And he sinned aged 33½, the same age that Jesus was when he paid for that sin. So the Kingdom of God began on 2008Nisan17, 6,000 years after his sin on 3993Nisan14 BC.

[…] Yes, 7 steps in humiliation was the most that any church had made before us. This was the largest number of mistakes any church was prepared to make publicly before they let embarrassment in front of men trump their fear of God. The LWs, standing upon the shoulders of the work of the JWs, got the date of the start of the Kingdom of God after a few weeks of independent research in one step on 1992February1!

But getting the date of the start of the Great Tribulation was not a one step journey. It was at least a 125 step journey. This was the lock that the holy spirit put on that knowledge. And no church on this earth loved the glory of God and detested the glory of man enough to make that journey. No church other than the LWs.

Let me repeat that: They’ve been wrong 125 times and they’re still guessing. Come tomorrow they’ll be wrong 126 times and they’ll just keep pushing the date back a couple more weeks. This is the power of faith. The ability to keep believing in something with absolutely no basis in reality despite being shown to be continuously wrong literally hundreds of times. Chances are they’ll still be at it when we check back in another six or seven months.

Checking in with the True Bible Decoders to see if they’ve given up yet.

It’s been about seven months now since we last checked in with the nutcases at The True Bible Code and Lord’s Witnesses website. You may recall they were predicting imminent Armageddon starting off with a terrorist attack, possibly a nuclear dirty bomb, going off someplace in New York City. To date no such explosion has occurred so they’ve done what every great prophesier does when confronted with a disappointing reality: they continuously pushed the date back a few weeks every time it didn’t come to pass. If they keep it up long enough then they may even be right some day.

This long strong of failed predictions hasn’t stopped them from announcing that the beginning of The End has already begun:

The World ended judicially on 2008Nisan14 which was 2008April20. The Kingdom of God began judicially on 2008Nisan17 which was 2008April23. Jesus has married his bride, the 1NC saints in heaven.We are now in the time of the end. This runs from 2008Nisan14, which was 2008April20, the judicial end of the world, to 2009Sivan15, which will be 2009June9/10, the day that the last non raptured human dies, the literal end of this world. That period is a time (a year), times (2 months) and half a time (half a day) of Daniel 12 – Gordon Ritchie

Got that? The end of the world will be June 9th or 10th of 2009. At least according to these wackos. So what about that bomb in New York that was supposed to signal the beginning of the end? Well, that’s still coming too, but to make up for the delay they’ve promised us two bombs for the price of one:

We now therefore expect a twin terrorist attack in the US in NYC around the Hudson River, and the UK on 2008Iyyar17 or 2008Iyyar21, which in fact corresponds with solar dates between the sunsets of May23/24 or May27/28. This is the fulfilment of the stone of Daniel2 hitting the image and of the mushroom cloud of 1Kings18 rising from the west or the sea or both. We have got this wrong so far around 70x. This is the first birth pang of the Kingdom of God, so it should not be a large attack by biblical standards, since the first birth pang is the smallest.  But it will be scary and significant and so may be a small nuclear bomb or a very large conventional one. This attack is not large enough to start the Great Tribulation of Matthew 24. Because those in the Great Tribulation see Jesus coming on the clouds plural. So the second birth pang, which occurs on 2008Sivan15, starts the Great Tribulation of Matthew 24, which is the time of distress of Daniel 12, which is a time (one BLC year) long, both of which should not occur (if man knew how to behave) and will never occur again. It runs from 2008Sivan15 to 2009Sivan15 when the last non raptured human dies.

You’ve got to give these guys credit for being honest about the fact that they’ve been wrong over seventy times so far. This, ladies and gentleman, is a sterling example of the power of faith. Despite an abysmal track record of prediction they still have faith that THIS time they’ve finally figured it out and it’ll come to pass…

… and even if it doesn’t, that won’t stop them from pushing the dates back a couple of weeks and being confident they’ve finally got it right.

Say, are those True Bible Decoder people still at it?

Hey, remember how we were occasionally checking in on the fun folks over at The Lords’ Witnesses and the True Bible Code website to see how many guesses they’d make on when the U.N. was going to be blown up by a dirty bomb before they finally threw up their hands and admitted defeat? We started all the way back on June 8, 2006 with an entry about their dire predictions of death and destruction and we checked in again on June 12, 2006, August 23, 2006, August 29, 2006, November 16, 2006, and finally April 1, 2007. The last time we stopped by their site they were up to guess number 30 and still striking out, though they at least had the decency to stop pestering the news media every time they pushed the date back well before they reached that point.

I made a prediction quite awhile back that these yahoos would never give up guessing, wrongly, about when the U.N. would be blown up by a dirty bomb and it looks like I’m still much better at foreseeing the future than the idiots at the The Lords’ Witnesses and the True Bible Code website. Since we last checked in they have made an additional 32 guesses, 31 of which have been wrong which brings their current total of predictions to a whopping 62 predictions that utterly failed to come true. Here’s their next prediction:

Our new predicted date is 2007Heshvan18 [before Sundown Thursday November 15th, 2007 – Ed], this being the month at the end of the 70 weeks of years of Daniel 9 that started with the protestant reformation when Martin Luther nailed his 95 theses to the door of the church in Wittenberg, and this day being the only weekly sabbath day in late Booths, and being the 3rd hour of the month of Heshvan on a 24 hour timetable for the month in accordance with Acts 2

As an example of the Immunity to Reality that comes with being a True Believer™ it’s hard to beat The Lords’ Witnesses. No matter how many times their predictions are proven wrong by the simple passage of time and the U.N.‘s stubborn refusal to be blown up by a dirty bomb, they just keep shifting those goal posts another week or two down the calendar and then tell themselves that this time, by golly, they’ve got it right! I used to think that they’d get bored or grow tired or at least try to cover up the fact that they’ve been wrong so many times so as not to drive away potential converts, but I’ll at least give them credit for being honest enough to reveal what lousy Bible Decoders they really are.

You really have to wonder how it is they can keep believing in the nonsense they’re peddling after being disappointed so many times over so long a period. My cynical side would say it’s proof positive that strong faith makes you stupid.

Penn & Teller: The Bible is Bullshit

A good segment from P&T’s Bullshit:

Sent in by Frankenbeasley.

Because deer often become spooked at the sight of a Holy Bible.

Why does it not surprise me that here in America it’s possible to purchase a Bible with a camouflage cover?

“Our NIV (New International Version) Bible in Realtree camo is our best selling item, followed closely by our camo Bible cover,” said David Lingner, the president of Arkansas-based Christian Outdoorsman, which sells Christian-themed hunting and angling products online.

The cover of this Bible is graced by leaves and tree bark. This enables the devout who also hunt to take their Bible into the woods with them while concealing it from their prey.

You just gotta laugh at nonsense like that. But wait, it gets better! Here’s the description of the “Christian Outdoorsman” shop sign:

The C in Christian on the shop’s Web site is shaped like a fish hook while the O in Outdoorsman has a cross-shaped rifle scope site inside of it.

So the C as a fishhook isn’t too bad, but that O as a cross-shaped rifle scope is a little unnerving. What an … interesting … use of what is supposedly a symbol of peace and love.