Starbucks is taking no chances this year.

Every year the national coffee chain Starbucks puts out a holiday themed cup and every year, for the past several years at least, it ends up pissing Conservatives off for either being too inclusive or not “Christmasy” enough or some other stupid reason. Now that it’s November they have unveiled this year’s design which will be available in stores starting today and it’s clear they’ve gone the extra mile to keep their new cups as inoffensive as they possibly can. I present to you, this year’s Starbucks Holiday cups:

So, yeah, those are about as pseudo-Christmassy as you can get. Got a couple Christmas sweater looking ones, some holly and berries, and… gift wrap? I guess? Not sure about what the red stripy one is supposed to be. No reindeer, no Santas, nothing to definitively tie it down as Christmas, but also no doodles that might suggest a SECRET GAY AGENDA!

That should be pretty inoffensive, yeah? Well, there is the fact that Starbucks made the mistake of calling them “holiday” cups and not “Jesus’ birthday cups” like any decent patriotic American company would. I kid, but I bet that the word “holiday” will be the thing Conservatives latch onto this year because 1) they’ve done it in the past and B) there’s little else here to complain about. 

That said, the Conservatives are a little late getting started on their annual WAR ON CHRISTMAS bitch-fest this year. Perhaps they’re too busy adoring Trump and got distracted, but I’m sure they’ll get to it sooner or later. It is, after all, a true Christmas tradition for them. 

5 thoughts on “Starbucks is taking no chances this year.

  1. Oh goody it is that time of year !
    Time to festively hang Binky the Baphomet on the door with Holly in his/her horns.

    Proof that “conservatives” are full of it and not conservative in any sense of the word …if they were really CONSERVATIVE they would be protesting the price of that gawdawful battery acid Starbucks calls coffee.
    Starbucks started in WA state some of thelargest dairies..and i have the theory that they started starbucks just to spark dairy sales, the coffee is so acidic that you almost have to put something in it to dilute it.

    It is funny that Christmas was never a major holiday before capitalism reinvented it. In fact the Puritans forbad it’s celebration.
    I think “Conservative” “Christians” should be honest about WHAT they really worship..MONEY
    It is why we have , “In God We Trust” on the paper currency.

  2. Have you got Costa over there ? Much better coffee. England used to be a nation of tea drinkers , now coffee rules .

  3. Dave, as far as I can tell, Costa is a UK only coffee shop. I’m not a big Starbucks consumer myself. I’ll occasionally partake of some when I’m shopping in a store that has a Starbucks in it (some Target locations), but otherwise most of the coffee I drink is either made at home or at the office. I am enough of a coffee snob that I have a coffee maker with a built-in grinder so I can buy whole beans, but that’s about as fancy as I get.

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