Jesus and Mary Magdalene return to Earth as an Australian couple.

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If you’re still looking for Jesus Christ then perhaps you should plan a trip to Australia:

“Just a little over 2000 years ago, we arrived on the Earth for the first time,” Miller says on his website. “Because of my personal desire and passion for God, as I grew, I recognized not only that I was the Messiah that was foretold by ancient prophets, but also that I was in a process designed by God that all humans could follow, if they so desired.”

Miller, 47, and Luck, 32, have drawn in between 30 and 40 disciples since moving to the Wilkesdale region of Queensland in 2007, the Courier Mail reports.

“I don’t want to be Jesus. Who wants to be Jesus?” Miller told his followers. “But I love the divine truth.”

Apparently Jesus and Mary have been living as Alan John Miller and Mary Suzanne Luck to avoid all of the autograph hounds that living under their real names would’ve caused.

To say that reading Jesus/Allen’s website is fascinating would be a major understatement. It contains all manner of revelations such as the claim that Mary Magdalene was/is Jesus’ soul mate and that they were married and expecting a daughter at the time of Jesus’ crucifixion. They have returned because it wasn’t long before the Divine Truths™ they had taught their followers back in the day were corrupted by those who would use Jesus’ message to obtain power. It took awhile, but Jesus found a messenger to try and correct these errors:

In the early 20th century, myself and many other Celestial Angels, and spirits on other paths of spiritual progression, managed to convey many of the Truths to a man named James Padgett. We expected that these Truths would grow on earth once Padgett received these Truths, but unfortunately, no-one really fully understood the message that was given. In addition, Mary, myself, and some other spirits by the late 20th century had found a way to return to earth to demonstrate these Truths, along with many more Truths obtained over 2000 years of spiritual progression. So, in the later half of the 20th century, 7 soul pairs, or 14 people, made plans to return to earth and teach the Divine Truth again.

You’d think Jesus wouldn’t have to “find a way” to return to the Earth, what with being God and all. You’d think he could’ve come back at any time he felt like it, but apparently being a God isn’t as easy as you might think.

Yes, I’m poking fun at a clearly deluded couple of Australians and I suppose it’s nice to know that America isn’t the only place with religious nutcases, but there is a bigger point to be made here:

I have as much reason to accept the claims of these two idiots as I do the claims about Jesus made in the Bible. For all I know they really are Jesus and Mary Magdalene returned to Earth to tell us how best to live our lives. They may even have a personal hotline to God for all I know. They’ve managed to attract enough followers to have an impact on the local economy:

Divine reincarnation or not, the holy couple has worked wonders for local real estate. Miller and Luck’s move to Wilkesdale reportedly sparked an “unlikely property boom,” as their followers aggressively purchased much of the surrounding land.

In 2009, followers pooled together $400,000 to purchase roughly one square mile of land, where they currently hold weekly meetings and plan to build an international visitors center.

So apparently there are folks willing to believe them enough to congregate around them. Granted, that’s not saying much when folks like Harold Camping can convince thousands of people the world is going to end, but the point remains. I have just as much reason to believe them as I did Camping or the Bible. They all have equal amounts of evidence backing them up (read: none, beyond some folks willing to vouch for them/it). You can’t prove that they aren’t Jesus/Mary Magdalene.

So why aren’t you believers flocking to him? If it really is Jesus then you’re missing a great opportunity to hear his message first hand. What if he’s right and his message was distorted shortly after his death and what you’ve been reading as the Gospel Truth is corrupted and wrong in many ways? Wouldn’t you want to make sure by asking him directly? What basis do you have to reject his claims?

8 thoughts on “Jesus and Mary Magdalene return to Earth as an Australian couple.

  1. There is also a Russian mystic who claims to be the reincarnation of Jesus, goes by the name of Vissarion (Sergey Anatolyevitch Torop). There was a documentary about him shown on UK TV a couple of years ago. At least this one has quite a few more followers, around 10000.

  2. Before long, the Virgin Mary will probably make an appearance in Australia, too, as she so often does in Italy, as discussed in this hilarious account by an Italian skeptic.

  3. I attended a couple of services of a reincarnation of Jesus in Long Beach, CA, about twenty-five years ago. She had a pretty good sized following – yes, “she”. Hey, what’s a little gender-bending in the over-all scheme of things? Like Les said, how can you prove she was NOT the reincarnation of Jesus? Life is just a bowl of cherries, but watch out for the pits.



  4. “it’s nice to know that America isn’t the only place with religious nutcases,”

    “Look out Mick, he’s a religious nutcase.”
    “That’s not a religious nutcase. {schwing} Now that’s a religious nutcase.”

    “how can you prove she was NOT the reincarnation of Jesus?”

    Hammer & nails?

  5. Huh. Jesus doesn’t speak English very well: “…myself…had found a way…”

  6. Australia has some renowned religious nutcases. The founder of the Christian Assemblies International lives there and he is basically like 12 sleazy televangelists rolled into one. Homophobic? Check. Commits male rape? Check. Hates women in his church and authorizes physical abuse against them? Check. Authorizes abuse against children and tells them they are evil from birth? Check. Commits fraud, cooks the books, and money laundering? Check. Fleeces members? Check.

    I share a wall with a religious nut who believes devoutly in this “church.” I showed her the article on her founder, and she called me ignorant and a heathen.

    She believes the accusations are all lies and a part of bible prophesy.

    She spouts lunacy about the world coming to an end.

    She does not understand why I find her brainwashed belief in her church pure idiocy, and why I want nothing to do with her.

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