Light bulbs for the True Believer.

Science can be a real pain in the ass for a True Believer™. All those “theories” based on “evidence” when all you really need in life is faith that God will provide. It can be pretty galling having to purchase products based on a “scientific” understanding of the world. That’s why we here at SEB Technologies have been combing the world for Faith Based products that we can sell to the True Believers™ who want an alternative to science-based products.

Thus we are proud to offer the world’s first Science-Free Light Bulbs!

Pic of Science Free Light Bulbs

Just screw 'em in and pray!

These bulbs are created using the latest non-scientific understanding of light. Not only are they 100% science-free, but they’ll also lower your utility bill as they do not use any electricity at all! These bulbs are 100% powered by pure faith! So long as you believe enough that they will work then they will! Note: Failure of these bulbs to illuminate is a sign of weakness of the spirit and a sure sign that you need to get right with God!

So if you’re sick of having to rely on “science” to keep you out of the dark then suffer no longer! Now you can have 100% science-free lighting in your home! These are truly the last light bulbs you will ever need to buy!

58 thoughts on “Light bulbs for the True Believer.

  1. Pingback: Doubting Timmy » Archive » Light Bulbs for True Believers

  2. Nice… I also appreciate that these are old school bulbs and not the new CFL style as many of the people who “deserve” these bulbs probably deny global warming as well.

  3. As a global warmonger, I’d love some, but as I’m an atheist, I’m afraid they wouldn’t work very well for me.

  4. Not even Jesus could make these bulbs glow I’m afraid. The only thing faith can fuel successfully is belief in the irrational and the world of superstitious beliefs. Faith can be a powerful and mighty force but it can be brought down by tiny moment of doubt. In a second a whole world can be overturned and then faith must be replaced with reason and intelligence. Sadly those things as as hard to come by as faith can be. It is best to question everything; especially your beliefs and never think you know enough. When we learn things we begin to realise the more we know the more we need to learn. It is a never-ending journey. Don’t let faith block your way. It might all be wrong and then what?

  5. Well, I think the concept is great, but the Christian Right and others with strong religious convictions are the wrong folks to mess with. Afterall, they also have 100% Faith based FIREARMS. They just point ’em in the general direction of folks they consider evil or possessed by Satanic or demonic forces, fold their hands together in a praying position and squeeze… It is pretty funny though, and unfortunately a few folks might even buy a few. When they don’t work, they just might take ’em back to where they got ’em from, along with their FAITH BASED SELF DEFENSE SYSTEMS and demand their money back. Render unto Ceasar what belongs to Ceasar; But render unto God what is God’s… I guess that’s where Homoland Security got the idea for International Rendition of NON-BELIEVERS and Radicals… Scary thought, huh? I know you guys have protected First Ammendment Rights, but if enough of those faith based guys get their wish and keep acquiring Faithbased Self Defense Systems as everyone who isn’t RIGHT will be criminalized or committed so they can’t exercise their SECOND AMMENDMENT RIGHTS… The end result might be that their Second Ammendment Rights will trump the First Ammendment Rights of the criminalized and institutionalized DISENFRANCHISED. I hope you know what your doing. Pissing those folks off can prove to be just as dangerous today as it was for us back in the 60’s and 70’s when hippies, antiwar protestors, and civil rights protestors got shot, lynched, beaten to death, dragged behind some redneck’s pickup truck, or blown up in some CHURCH BOMBING cause the congregation wasn’t RIGHT or WHITE.

  6. Why are you so afraid of them Ken? Why self-censor out of fear? That’s what they want. Don’t you understand what “everyone draw Mohammed day” was all about?

  7. I couldn’t find these at the SEB Cafe Press Store. If I pray real hard, will you start to stock these??? Inquiring minds want to know!


  8. Pieter, what is the worst thing to happen if by chance believers are wrong? At least people who beleive have something to hold on to. What is the point of not believing if the benefits to faith are so amazing. The question shouldn’t be “It might all be wrong, and then what?” it should be, rather, If it is all true and one doesn’t believe, then what? Although,very interesting points on all sides I should say.

  9. If believers are proven wrong then they face bitter disappointment for all eternity and at best a whole lot of nothing. If non-believers are wrong then we are confronted with the most amazing and magical surprise and can look forward to living in heaven for ever and ever. However if I am right than I get exactly what I expected and will not feel at all bad about it. If the believer is right they had better hope they were good enough for whoever will be looking over your shoulder for all eternity. Who will be running heaven do you think? God, Jesus, Allah, Jehovah, the Tooth Fairy??? I wonder if sex is allowed in heaven……. Hell, I sure hope so.

  10. I wonder if sex is allowed in heaven……. Hell, I sure hope so.

    If you mean the kind of sex the priests have with alter boys, I sure hope not. 😉

    Or those 72 virgins? Do the virgins have anything to say about that reward?


  11. I did not specify the kind of sex but in heaven everybody is a virgin again. You can be as depraved as you like and afterwards you are restored to your former pure self and become a virgin over and over for all time.

    Isn’t that a treat? As for 76 virgins per man… that was obviously invented by the Islamic advertising department. I mean there has to be at least one upside for being a Muslim. Mind you anything would be better than being a Catholic. I know. I used to be one. Talk about guilt…..

  12. afterwards you are restored to your former pure self and become a virgin over and over for all time.

    AHHH! Now THAT is a version of heaven I can relate to. Born again Virgin. 😉


  13. Actually it has been so long since I have had sex – with another person that is – that everything has returned to its uncorrupted state and I am already a born-again virgin. I now truly believe I shall die a virgin since I am no longer the irresistibly drop-dead-gorgeous stunner I was in my younger days. Now I am the total diametric opposite. It all seemed to happen while I wasn’t looking and now I am so disgusted with my repulsive visage that I even refuse to pleasure myself. I would never sleep with someone like me so I cannot expect others to risk some sort of mental breakdown by getting naked with me. BRRRRRRR……. Just the thought of it is enough to make me ill. Some form of funny business in the afterlife is now my only hope. I have heard we become our best selves, in our prime when we croak so look out people… I will be making up for lost time and returning to my earlier days of sluthood. WOO HOO!!! maybe I should kill myself and get started….. then again, it is very unlikely since I don’t believe in all that crap. Never mind. (sob…)

  14. @Pieter-
    If believers are wrong, they will have died and not know the difference..if say the belief is that death is all there is. If Non-believers die and in fact everything they have doubted is true then they will have to answer for that doubt. I would rather be called naive and stupid for believing, but have the opportunity to partake in whatever eternal gifts wait for the “true beleiver” in heaven. That sounds nice to me. What does someone get out of not beleiving anyway? The pleasure of being correct all along?? This would seem like the only benefit but, this knowledge only comes after death so…it will be too late to bask in that “glory”, if you will.

  15. Amanda, you are right of course but since my story suits my view and because it is funnier, I am sticking to it. Besides, can you imagine how bored you would become if you had to spend an eternity anywhere? Even heaven would get on my nerves after a few centuries. It would be hell. And that kinda defeats the whole deal eh?

  16. Amanda, we’re all very familiar with Pascal’s Wager, which is what you’ve been using as an argument, and it is a false dichotomy based on a number of assumptions all of which could be incorrect.

    For example, do you really think God would reward you if your only reason for believing is as a hedge against a possible bad outcome for not believing? Do you really think God would appreciate your “cover my ass” approach to theology? When you say “I would rather be called naive and stupid for believing, but have the opportunity to partake in whatever eternal gifts wait for the “true beleiver” in heaven.” It makes you sound greedy and opportunistic rather than reverent and faithful, do you think that’s an attitude your God would approve of? You also assume that the God you’ve chosen to believe in is the correct one out of all the thousands of possible Gods that have been dreamt of over the eons.

    As for what a non-believer gains, well, that includes a great many things not the least of which is money and time. Time not wasted trying to supplicate a non-existent being and money not tithed to a pointless exercise. When one considers all the man hours and money spent practicing religion it staggers the imagination. Consider what could be accomplished if such resources were devoted to dealing with real-world issues.

  17. Amanda: in addition to what Les said, there are benefits for everyone if others don’t believe: for instance, no more having religion pushed on them, in the form of Bronze Age mythology posing as science in public schools; and no more people telling them how to behave in their own bedrooms.

    As long as believers don’t meddle with me or my children, I’m fine with them. But unfortunately, especially in America and the Muslim world, not all of them keep their religion to themselves.

  18. I was wondering. Those 72 virgins everyone is talking about, are they always the same 72 because we’ll be queing for a long time if it is.

  19. Alan, Oh wow… what a neat bit of lateral thinking. That has never occurred to me before and I wonder if it has to any of the suckers who rush into the fires of self-destruction with the expectation of scoring at least 72 nights of unbridled lust and fetish indulgence. It makes me wonder whether they can in fact be deflowered or must they remain virgins for all eternity. What a let down that would be after blowing up your earthly junk for a cause you neither understand or care for once you’re dead. Life’s funny eh? I’ll be happy if there is as much as masturbation in the afterlife. Anything else will be a massive bonus. I wonder if jerking off in heaven is a sin…..???

  20. Let’s see, now. Mary was a Virgin until she had sex with God, and then she remained a Virgin. By interpolation, the only one we can have sex with in Heaven would be God. HMMMM I hope those men who claim to be heterosexual are prepared for a gawd-awful surprise in Heaven. 🙂


  21. I hate to say it but that is a little naive. First of all Mary was no virgin, trust me. Secondly, why would god need to have sex to make a baby? He can create anything out of nothing. And finally… you have heard the expression “better than sex”. Well that is what they are doing up there – whatever that happens to be. We can only speculate… but it must be very very good whatever it is.

  22. Leguru:

    This makes me wonder what the Money Shot from Heaven would look like – and how the denizens of Heaven would cope with it.

  23. The term ‘Christian Right’ always bothered me. Do the people who say this mean that all Christians are conservative? Are all Democrats agnostics or atheists or some other religion? Do members of the Christian Left feel put upon when their brethren in the liberal movement beat up on their brethren in the Christian movement. Are members of the Christian Left as dumb as the liberals say members of the Christian Right are?

  24. No not all christians are right-wing. There are left-wing christians and non-political christians. There are also fundamentalist-extremist christians who have a lot in common with their muslim counterpart; mainly that they are both completely insane and in no way resemble a group of religious people, since they are all bent on violence and murder as a means to get what they want. And it is never entirely clear what it is that they want with the exception of the total destruction of the other and without regard to who gets in the way and happens to die in the process. This is not religion, it is extreme politics or to be more precise it is tyranny and totalitarianism. These people do not belong among normal human populations and should be exiled to Mars.

    Neither are all christians dumb because some of them are scientists and scholars. Let us say that they are misguided or at the least very confused. These people are dangerous in their own right as they tend to explode if placed under great pressure; such as having to choose between Jesus and sanity. I can only assume it is the fear of hell fire that prevents them from denying Jesus. Those fears run deep and I blame that on the nasty ugly brainwashing children suffer at the hands of the faithful. I would like to see a law outlawing indoctrination of minors. After all we do not let paedophiles teach kiddies about sex or dealers about recreational drugs. No, we try hard to protect the young so why the hell are these religious freaks allowed to pollute the minds of the innocent. It is criminally irresponsible!!!

    IF people MUST be exposed to the myths of religion they should have to wait until the age of 21. Even then that is too young because at that age kids have no concept of consequence or how this crap might affect them – a lot like heavy drugs really.

    Keep in mind that the church leaders enjoy a tax-free business environment and all that money they do not pay in taxes belongs to the state but they spend it on themselves. I cite the vatican and 2000 years of collecting and accumulating art, treasure and property. Clearly these bastards need to be stopped.

    And I am not even touching on the religion itself. The son of god…. yeah, right. Born of a virgin. Really??? Comes back to life and floats up to heaven…. oh come on now. How gullible are we meant to be? It has got to be the silliest of all the main religions. And they put that in the minds of our children. NO FØ£$#&% WAY!!!! GRRRRRRRR!!!!!

    But you know…. this is just my opinion.

  25. The trouble with this whole discussion is that the only “Christians” who are particularly visible are the lunatic fringe.

  26. Naa. Thats not trouble. It would be trouble if said fringe didnt represent the rest. But they do. Maybe not in each’s direct action, but in the basic underlying assumptions and philosophy. Eventually, given enough time, and the erosion of critical thinking through a few generations without education, and Christianity could/would be right back where it was a millenium ago. Right back to the rack and wheel. So yeah. The fringe might as well be the standard to judge by, since it is the true form of any larval christian.

  27. Well then take comfort from the fact that many who are invisible also believe in that superstitious lunacy and that it is not confined to that particular cult. The visible ones are merely the scariest albeit the most annoying. There is madness in all faiths who claim a special relationship to gods their ancestors invented long before them. We have a new god for now. Science is that god and at least that god lets us perform some of the miracles ourselves. In the end when it too fails to answer everything we may find a new god to replace science. Perhaps we need to accept that not everything can be explained but more to the point we do not need to know it all. Once we know all there is to know then we have no more reason to move forward and we might simply cease to exist. Christians think they know it all and I would not describe them as existing in the real world. They live only by consuming the souls of children….. like spiritual vampires. LOL… It’s late and I am ranting…….

  28. I dont think we will EVER run out of things to discover. I hear you, but I wouldnt worry. And science, well, It is NOT another religion. Its not going to go away. Even If our collective memories were WIPED forever, we would rediscover “science” because it just describes the real world around us. Who knows what religions people would invent, however. New crazy ones no doubt. Are there any other kinds? 🙂

  29. @Mad Jayhawk. I’m not sure I understand the question. It’s simply two adjectives. Either word could be replaced with a different adjective. Is English grammar really that hard? If I referred to the Christian left, would you assume I’m saying that all Christians are liberals? Howabout a Strawberry Banana shake? Mmmmm…

  30. Brooks, you make a good point however it is playing dirty when you bring up strawberry banana milkshakes to distract me. And I don’t ever argue about grammar because I never win.

    I was looking it this way: All Christians = Christian Right + Christian Left + Christian Apolitical.

    In most conversations on comment pages like this, I usually hear only about the Christian Right and never about the other two and we can wonder if the commenter knows that it is possible that there are Christian Left or Christian Apolitical subsets and yet goes on merrily tarring all Christians with his broad brush.

    Have you ever heard anyone ever mention anything other than the Christian Right? In addition all members of the Christian Right are always depicted as being insane, stupid, ignorant, dumb, intolerant, racist, etc etc. I don’t understand why they are and the other Christians are not. I am not a card carrying member of any of the aforementioned groups.

  31. Jayhawk:

    I can’t speak for others, here – but I agree with LegacyABQ. I dislike it, tremendously, but even the “nice person” Christians, for the most part, on left/apo/right (though I rarely find middle ground with right) discriminate. One friend tried to rationalise that I might be Catholic enough to be a good role-model or care-taker.

    The exceptions are those who often fail to call themselves Christian. It’s not that they aren’t, or that they don’t identify as one, but, apparently, you cross that threshold where it’s not important enough to be a jerk over. I like to think that’s substance over superficiality, but there’s plenty of substance in the lattice of bullshit needed to maintain devout faith.

  32. Consider this for a moment. True christians who live exactly according to the actual teachings and intention of Jesus are in fact much like idealist ic communists. They love their fellow man and also non-christians and they do not judge anyone. They will help a sinner and share with those they might not agree with. That is what Jesus would do. Then there is the hypocritical holier-than-thou christian who knows exactly how everyone should live and what they are doing wrong and who they would not mix with if their life depended on it. They want the evil non-christian to go away or drop dead. Those christians are very much like fascists and totalitarians. They use the image of their god to hide behind like a traitor will hide behind the flag. America is seeing a rise of the right wing self-righteous and crazy christian at the moment. Those people are NOT real christians regardless of what they think or say. They do not practice the true intention of the religion. They remind me of Nazis. I think they as a movement are extremely dangerous.

  33. Pieter, I quite agree, but with the following caveats:

    1) Difficulty in defining/assigning/interpreting the intention of a religion (on this, we might also agree, but it’s still rather arbitrary)
    2) The suggestion that following the teachings will somehow produce a better world (they were written in an entirely different world; one which, I cannot reasonably argue, was a better world.).

    The movement is extremely dangerous, and I think it’s non-religious in nature, but I have to say that religions have shown to be awfully susceptible to the, essentially, mass-narcissism we see today.

  34. I was generalising for the sake of making a point. I agree with you. I was pointing out the huge chasm between two completely different kinds of people who claim to be part of the one religion. The difference lies in their nature and partially in their religion as fed to them by various leaders. Remember that many viewed Hitler as a godsend and saviour of Germany who got things done, etc.. It was easy to get swept up and then become a force within that false ideal. These people are insane super-patriotic nutters who blame everyone else for their own stupid mistakes and ignorant complacency. They are “superior” – America is the BEST and therefore RIGHT country on earth because Jesus is OURS!!! We are right and they are wrong. It is the same crap that extremist Muslims spew out about the Great Satan America. Alah (the SAME god as ours) is evil and God (the same god) is the one true Lord. It makes no sense. In both cases it is the extremist view and the passive good people are swept aside and become more and more fearful to disagree with them just like the average German during the Nazi era. There were 42 attempts to kill Hitler. Most of them by Germans including his own officers. America has many potential Hitlers (like Palin) and they say all the right things which makes perfect sense to these narrow minded idiots. If you stand up to them they might just beat you up for being a traitor or a heathen or god knows what. It is insidious and volatile. Imagine these freaks as a movement that gets into the White House. It is not entirely impossible and some have predicted their determination to try. Help…….

    They are impossible to fight because they KNOW they are righteous and they are the saviours of Germany…. oops… I mean America. It is a nightmare unfolding before our eyes. I hold great fears for your country.

  35. Pieter:

    Yes – I vividly remember the painting of Hitler, facing forward, imposing, with the sky sundered behind him, beaming radiance, the Nazi banners billowing, and the angels sounding their trumpets…

    It was a defining picture, not just of the era, but the entire mentality of a crusader.

  36. @Les
    You called my thinking “greedy and oportunistic” yet in your last paragraph you type of time not wasted and money not tithed. These could be percieved as greedy as well, sure. As for the “cover my ass” bit, this is very true. I would find some problem with that if I were to believe that certain way. I was simply bringing forth the concept to ask, why not believe? What makes believing bad? I am not talking about children or politics. I am not talking about right/left/apololitical etc. I’m just talking about the subject of believing or not believing. I will be the first to say that there are extremist groups out there that do claim to be of the Christian faith and unfortunately have given all others a terrible rap. I have been called naive and stupid for believing what I do. Why can’t one believe what they want in this country without being completely torn apart for it? Anywho, I am rambling but I appreciate all of your comments, some very interesting quesstions to consider, so thank you.
    When is it you feel most like religious views are being “pushed on you”? Just curious.

  37. Amanda,

    Like Matt Dillahunty, I want to believe as many true things and as few false things as possible. If I wanted to believe everything that was true, and didn’t care about false things, then the best rule is to believe everything. If I wanted to believe no false things, and I didn’t care how many true things I exclude, then the best course of action would be to believe nothing. However, if one’s goal is to believe the maximum number of true things, without believing in false things, then we need to be more judicious with our use of belief. We should, in fact, believe only those things for which evidence exists, and not accept things for which evidence does not exist.

    You ask why not believe in god, and of course you mean the christian god. You say to us, “what if you’re wrong?”. But Amanda, what if YOU’RE wrong? What if the Muslims or Scientologists are right? What if the ancient greeks were right? You’re screwed then!
    As for the cost here and now, I think this life is the only one I have. I don’t want to waste it listening to some prat in a dog-collar lecturing me, taking up my valuable time. I don’t want to pay an organization which protects paedophiles money for them to protect me from their cosmic goon. No, I’ll keep my money, and I’ll spend it on the things I think are worthwhile, including charity.

  38. Before we go any further may I just point out that there is no christian god as such. That particular god is the same god for jews, christians and muslims. Muslims call him allah but he is the very same one god. Scientologists are criminals and have nothing to do with god, religion or anything except making money – much like the catholics. Thank you for your attention. Resume raving and ranting.

  39. BTW…. Don’t believe everything you hear and only half believe what you see. If you believe what Einstein believed, we are all part of a grand illusion and may in fact not exist at all. The whole thing, from beginning to end may be no more than pure thought. Frankly that means the thinker must have one hell of a headache because the world can be one big pain in the frontal lobes. Science has discovered that truth is stranger than we can imagine and therefore anything is possible – even life after death. However I see no reason or need for a god to have created that which has probably always existed in one form or another. We created god in our image to help explain the world we did not understand. Until we understand it all – unlikely – we will be stuck with our creation (god) or some of us will go crazy trying to make sense of all that stuff. Personally I don’t need to know everything but I admit I am very curious. In many ways I look forward to my death when it comes so I will (or will not) finally know what is next. But I am prepared to wait a long time….

  40. may I just point out that there is no christian god as such.

    Now, actually, in my copy of Encyclopedia of Gods, with over 2,500 deities of the world explained, there is, or was, such a god. He was known by the name of Il, or El and was the father of YHWH, or Jehovah. And he was just a real as any of the other gods created by man. The Bible was simply misquoted, and should have read, “So Man created god in his own image.” What a mix-up that miss-quote has created!



  41. No, no, no, NO!!! OUR god (with a capitol “G”) said there are no other gods and we had better not spend our time believing or loving any of them OR ELSE. So frankly I don’t give a hoot what your Big Book of Gods says…. so there. Christians, Jews and Muslims all agree that we believe in the same god. The bible, for what it’s worth says nothing of a divine family until that Jesus drama. I think Jesus was a political stirrer who hated the high priests for having corrupted Judaism and making money off the faithful. He wanted a return to a simple (Jewish) religion. He never mentioned his grandfather Il or El by the way. He wanted to get rid of the Romans and there were those who would have preferred to go to war with Rome. Everyone saw opportunity and the priests trashed Jesus for his nonconformity and the Romans thought it best to kill the bastard. The whole thing has been retold by the interested parties who won control over the Jesus legacy…. a little the way the Republicans control patriotism. Both are a farce.

    As for man creating god in his image; I am aware of the original presumption. I say that is bullshit. That would have meant god had a body like ours and bodily functions like ours which means he must not be a very divine being. Did god go to the toilet? Did he need to eat or have sex? Did he get sick or stub his toe? Why the hell would a god need a body? That makes no sense. There are way too many things that simply make no sense at all and we take great care to never question any of them. I question everything. God, religion and the church/es are no more than a means to control the masses and accumulate wealth and power. I reject all of it utterly and vehemently. Death to god and all religion!!! The state should confiscate church property and tax them like any other business. The scientologist are doing it with a joke of an excuse and we let them. Outrageous. Put them out of business and seize their assets I say.

    And so forth and so on and then some….. blah blah blah….


  42. Pieter,

    Science has discovered that truth is stranger than we can imagine and therefore anything is possible – even life after death.


    As for the sameness of all these various incarnations of YHWH, yes yes, I know.

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