Thief does $20,000+ in damages to steal one $150 sex toy.

I’ve had my fair share of blue balls over the years, but I’ve never been so hard up that I considered smashing my car through a sex shop:

BROWNHELM TWP. — The thief who crashed his car through AdultMart here early Wednesday knew exactly what he wanted: He picked up a $300 sex toy, discarded it for a smaller, less expensive model and then drove off — all of which was captured quite clearly on security video.

“Desperate people do desperate things,” said Tracy Holmes, the store’s manager. “At 6 o’clock in the morning when I got here, we had no doors at all.”

Yes, there’s video:

Folks, that there is a man in desperate need of some hot latex lovin’ and only one sex toy will do! Alas the article doesn’t mention which toy was worth such a daring robbery, which is probably a missed promotional opportunity. COME GET THE SEX TOY THAT’S WORTH DRIVING YOUR CAR THROUGH THE STORE FOR!

7 thoughts on “Thief does $20,000+ in damages to steal one $150 sex toy.

  1. Hey, I know what it’s like to need that last-minute wedding gift. Sometimes you just have to squeeze shopping into a busy schedule.

  2. Sometimes you just have to squeeze shopping into a busy schedule.

    And through two sets of doors, several racks of merchandize, and some curvaceous latex folds.

    Unbelievable. I’m just plain flabbergasted.

  3. My thought is, did he steal this car or just assume he would not use it after this ‘heist’? And then he puts one back to grab another??? Geez, you’ve already done the damage, at least run out with as much as you can pile in your car. The only thing that could make this any stupider is if he dropped 300 dollars on the ground as he left.

  4. Even better than dropping $300 as he left would be if he dropped his wallet with is ID inside.

    Which has happened at more than one robbery it seems.

  5. It’s likely he would still be caught, but you’d think at LEAST he would have taken off his plates for this little romp.

    What the hell kind of criminals are we breeding?

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