“Psychic” cleanses $140,000 from several families.

In our continuing series on the question of “what’s the harm in letting people hold onto stupid beliefs” we bring you the following news item. It seems several families in Lakewood, WA have fallen for the old your-money-is-infected-with-evil-spirits-but-I-can-clean-it-for-you scam to the tune of $140,000:

The victims told Lakewood police they met Señora Monica at the nearby swap meet or heard her advertisements on a Spanish-speaking radio station, Hoffman said. She advertised that she could help with “all your problems.”

On her business card, Señora Monica listed her services as: Reads cards, reads palms, performs cleansings, interprets dreams, reunites loved ones, sexual deficiencies, cures nervous disorders, employment problems, alcoholism and drug addiction. “Don’t suffer anymore. If you can’t have children, call me,” the card reads. “Performs spells, counterspells and love spells.”

Some victims had Taro card readings with Señora Monica and decided to have her cleanse their money. Some of the sessions occurred with the victims at the store on South Tacoma Way.

The victims had set up a final meeting Sunday night during which they would receive their cleansed money and would pay a gratuity – whatever they felt was appropriate – to Señora Monica, Hoffman said.

“Señora Monica never showed up,” Hoffman said.

Big fucking surprise. I could’ve told you that was bound to happen and I don’t claim to be a psychic. Once again I am torn on this issue. On the one hand stealing is wrong so I sympathize with the people who lost their money, but on the other hand these people must have Cheez Whiz for brains to be that fucking credulous and as such arguably deserve the fleecing they were given.

Repeat after me: No one is psychic. Anyone who claims to be able to tell you your future based on Tarot cards or tea leaves or chicken entrails is lying to you. If they try to tell you they can clean your money of evil spirits that are ruining your life you should punch them in the mouth and run away with your hand firmly on your wallet. If you give them your money you will not get it back.

And if you still insist on handing it over because you’re afraid it might have evil spirits then send it to me instead and I promise you I’ll spend it on stuff I could really use, like a new couch, thus protecting you from the evil it contains by spending it on stuff I want.

8 thoughts on ““Psychic” cleanses $140,000 from several families.

  1. Just made me think about a “psychic” that my DH’s family keeps trying to see.  Apparently he talks to spirits and one cousin went and he “knew things”…so now the SIL wants to see him.  She made an appointment (and I think he is quite expensive and shows on TV sometimes) but he had to cancel his appointments because someone close to him died the day before she was supposed to see him.

    I told her that should have been a sign right there…if he knew all this stuff then he would have known about the death and wouldn’t have made appointments.

    I paid $10 for a palm reading once.  It was for fun since I had never had it done before.  The woman was soo off it wasn’t funny and you could tell she was fishing for information (for anyone claiming to be a psychic I never give any information and try not to give cues).  The only thing she got right was that I was divorced…but that wasn’t hard to learn since you could see where I used to wear a wedding band at the time.


  2. Ack, fuckin bitch.  People like this make it beyond difficult for people like me who read cards and have an interest in the supernatural to look like anything besides con artists, part of the reason I work strictly off of donation.  This bitch can rot in hell right next to Miss Cleo, fuckin new age hippie scammer.

  3. @whiteblood-
    If you REALLY think you can tell the future or do anything beyond chance-go get yourself a million bucks. There is a prize thats been open for the last 40? years to ANYONE who can prove ANYTHING “supernatural”. Good luck on that, I truly hope you are the first person to prove that psychics really exist! Failing that, you are just pandering false hope and idiotic nonsense, and the fact that you don’t make money off it only puts you one step up from that pathetic Cleo. Enjoy!

  4. vassago, I don’t recall anything about having my own belief structure to be wrong, so long as I’m not bending people over the financial barrel and shiving their back door so hard they can lick the cheese off of the tip of the blade in their mouth, or threatening others to believe in it or suffer the same fate.  And as much as I would love to devote my time and energy to such studies to satisfy not only my curiousity but my inner skeptic as well, being dirt poor and jobless tends to put a damper on all that.  and I’m guessing you were yanking my chain on the million bucks thing.

  5. Repeat after me: No one is psychic.

    No one is psychic.  No one is psychic.  I can’t stop!  No one is psychic.  I feel your power!  You must be psychic!  No one is psychic!

  6. nope. million bucks is real. but if you were psychic you should already know about it right?

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