True Believers upset over Jesus Crackers “tainted” by being blessed by female priests. (#Blogathon)

Seems the Church of England has decided to allow women to become priests and some folks aren’t happy about it. Specifically they’re not happy about receiving communion wafers that have been blessed by a woman. So the church has come up with a solution: A two track communion line:

Worshippers at a Church of England cathedral are being offered a two-track Communion service with a separate supply of “untainted” Communion bread for those who object to its being consecrated by a woman priest.

A special container, for the hosts — unleavened bread representing the body of Christ — which have been previously consecrated by a male priest, is brought out during Sunday morning services at Blackburn Cathedral if a woman priest is presiding.

OK I get that some of these idiots think that if a man doesn’t do the consecrating that the cracker won’t magically turn into the body of Christ, but to say that the crackers blessed by women are “tainted”? That seems unnecessarily rude. Like they’re intentionally trying to poison the deludedworshipers?

Needless to say, this has upset some of the supporters or women priests:

“He justified the practice by saying that there are some in the congregation who will not accept the sacrament consecrated by a woman and they have to think also of visitors. I am stunned and saddened. What a shame the Church is allowed to discriminate in this way.”

A retired head teacher, Sally Barnes, of the women priests’ support group Women and the Church, said: “This is quite outrageous. This is what happens when you have a church where women are regarded as tainted. It is an absolute disgrace. Quite a few people in that area have complained about it.”

Of course from where I’m sitting as an atheist, this is all a big fuss over nothing. Eat your damned crackers and get on with your life. They’re going to remain amazingly unchanged in your body regardless of whether or not a male or female priest blessed them. Well, not entirely true, your body will do a miraculous conversion and change them into shit. Which you will then expel a few hours later. There’s a concept for you: Shitting out Christ. If you wanna be offended by something then there’s what you should be offended at.

3 thoughts on “True Believers upset over Jesus Crackers “tainted” by being blessed by female priests. (#Blogathon)

  1. From the Anglican Church website:

    Further, all Christians believe that, in the Holy Communion, God offers to renew the fellowship and communion with him to which he has already called us. We respond to God’s invitation by faith and trust in Christ who died for us and in whose risen life we have already been given a share. Thus he feeds us with his life.

    Compared with these great truths on which all Christians agree, the various ways for example in which the bread and wine may be understood to be the Body and Blood of Christ are far less important. Put more simply, all Christians agree Christ’s sacrifice on the cross to be the fundamental reality which underlies the entire Christian life, the Eucharist included. The service of Holy Communion is not just the commemoration of something which happened in history. It is the celebration of a person who is our Lord and Master and of events which have eternal significance.

    So this isn’t about the tainting of the magic that turns the eucharist into the actual body and blood of Christ.

    This is that women are tainting the experience of people celebrating a person who is our Lord and Master and of events which have eternal significance.

    Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, eh?

  2. Women have been allowed to be priests in the CofE for quite some time (since November 1992 apparently), so I’m surprised this has only come to light now. The BBC made a sitcom, The Vicar of Dibley, around the subject and it consistently ranks as one of the best British sitcoms of all time.

  3. I’ve already forgotten how I stumbled upon this page, but no matter, I’m cracking up over “Eat you damned crackers…” and “Shitting out Christ.” Although there is no shortage of good atheistic outlook on the interwebs, there is always room for more humor (everywhere, really). I had a look around your blog. Nice, so I decided to register and post.

    On the two-track, Jesus-eating policy, I don’t know who is more wishy-washy in their principles, the church, or the woman priest. In these hard times, it’s understandable that people may want to pick their battles in order to keep the money coming in, but in this case it’s particularly messed up to see so called believers making canon concessions (hypocrite much?). Stand up for something, somebody.

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