I don’t tend to get a lot of spam at work, but every so often one or two bits will get through the filters and catch my eye. Today I got one with the following subject line:
With all your faults she loves you still, cause you use right antiEDs.
It took me a moment to realize they’re selling some sort of erectile dysfunction product, probably a sham herbal supplement, as the choice of the word “antiEDs” had me wondering what Ed had done to have people selling products to get rid of him. Then I was caught by how it made no sense whatsoever: With all my faults she loves me still, cause I use the right antiEDs.
The first problem is that I don’t currently use antiEDs. In fact my sex drive is healthy enough that there are probably days my wife wishes I’d buy some proEDs instead. Then there’s the whole “cause you use the right antiEDs” bit. That doesn’t make any sense at all because if I’m using the right ones already then I obviously don’t need the ones these assholes are trying to sell me. Clearly they think I’m using the wrong ones because they’re contacting me about their product, but they want to appeal to my ego by telling me I’m smartly using the right ones even though that clearly makes their offer of an alternative pointless. Then there’s that whole “she loves you despite you being a total fuck up because at least you have a hard dick” thing which reduces me to being an otherwise total loser and her to being a shallow bitch who’s just happy to be getting boned regularly. I can see the girl talk already:
Girl #1: Why do you stay with your man? He can’t hold a job, he’s always getting arrested, and his B.O. strips the varnish off old furniture at 40 yards!
Girl #2: That’s all true, but he always gets a hard on when it counts! And you know its good to find a hard man.