Protect your Christmas tree with a soldier fetus!

Say you’re a committed anti-abortionist and gung-ho support-the-troops-right-or-wrong conservative who’s looking for the ultimate Christmas tree ornament that can demonstrate your two passions in a single decoration. Surely there’s nothing that fits the bill, right?

Wrong! The folks at “” (tagline:What a trend we have in Jesus™) are offering this clever Soldier Fetus Ornament just in time for the holidays!

Protect our troops – from the womb to the war. What if the fetus you were going to abort would grow up to be a soldier bringing democracy to a godless dictatorship?

Plastic replica of an 11-12 week old fetus, 3” long, holding a firearm in its precious little hand, with an assortment of other military paraphernalia, encased in a translucent plastic ornament, with a patriotic yellow ribbon on top. Includes a metal ornament hanger. If only a womb were this safe, attractive and reasonably priced!

Show that you support the “culture of life” by buying and proudly displaying one of these patriotic unborn Americans.

Also available in a “Brown” model

You gotta love that dig at atheists they managed to squeeze in there with the comment on “godless dictatorships” and the fact that they’re also offering a “brown” model for all you “brown” conservatives out there. The message is clear: By aborting that baby you could be condemning millions of innocent people to lives under Godless dictators by destroying a possible Christian warrior! Why it’s a wonder these ornaments aren’t convincing people to have as many babies as possible so they might grow up to be a whole platoon of Holy Warriors unto themselves!

I’ve see some tacky Christmas decorations in my time, but this one takes the cake. Oh, and in case you think this just HAS to be a gag, the folks at MissPoppy have you covered:

Note to the confused:This is a real product, from a real site. The product is a satire, but it is also a real product – FOR SALE. This is a real store.

I can’t bring myself to look through the rest of the site, but I’m sure it’s filled with even more fun products if you’re brave enough to poke around. Me, I’m already sore from laughing so hard.

7 thoughts on “Protect your Christmas tree with a soldier fetus!

  1. The trouble is there’s too much stuff liek this for real.  Who is this site satirizing?

    Our freinds and us have had a long standing ‘Tacky war’- who could but the nastiest gift for each other.  The problem is when on holiday you can’t go into the souvenier shop and ask “Whats the most horrible thing you stock”.

    Couple of years ago we got the a Glow in the Dark Virgin Mary. Trouble is as ‘Born Agains’ it was too Catholic to really hit the spot.

    However the stepson found the winning thing. Imagine that horrible nylon fur used as fake velvet in cheap presentation boxes. Now imagine it pink. Now imagine that as a 12 inch papier mache pink furry JESUS money box (It had a slot in the back, stopper in the feet) in a ‘beatific’ pose.  Someone thought “How can I best honour my lord and saviour’ and came up with that.  It was even better than the Jesus on a cross of shells, and Pope (JP2) photo in a gold painted plastic ‘sentry box’, with fairy lights round it (Both seen in Italy).

    The best bit is peoples reactions.  I advised them to keep it on view when people from their new church (they are moving) come to call.  I took it to work. Some people went “That is horrible” others trying not to offend were ‘that’s um different’.

  2. Wow, just wow…

    The fetus soldier with a bazooka is a timeless reminder of just how F*#ked things currently are.

    The lock and load Jesus mouse pad is 100% classy and I would purchase it if only it were a 6’ x 8’ velvet glow in the dark painting something that awesome needs to be displayed with pride!

  3. Reminds me of the “invitros” or “tanks” from ‘Space: Above and Beyond’.  Built to be soldiers from birth.

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