Give a spot in Heaven to your loved ones this Christmas.

There’s only 20 or so shopping days left until Christmas and many of you are probably still searching for that perfect gift. What could be more perfect than buying a guaranteed spot in Heaven? That’s what the folks at Reserve A Spot In Heaven are offering and at very reasonable rates too!


It is now possible to enjoy your sin filled life and buy your way into Heaven, but how?

Reserve A Spot In Heaven is here for the sole purpose of allowing you the opportunity to secure your spot in Heaven before it’s too late. Yes, at the moment there is plenty of room in Heaven for you and all of your loved ones, but what most individuals don’t realize is that although a large portion of this space remains vacant, spots are filling very quickly. So quick that if you don’t act now you may lose your chance at getting in. How does a future of endless suffering sound? Not so good, which is why we are here to help.

Finally, here’s your chance to reserve and guarantee your spot into Heaven before the time actually comes to go.

How would you feel if when the day came to travel, you had to walk up that long flight of stairs to get into the clouds? You just had a rough past couple of days and the last thing you need is to walk up an enormous flight of stairs. After you reach the top you then get stuck in a long line waiting to get through those wonderful pearly gates. Days, maybe weeks pass, and you finally arrive at the front of the line and the gatekeeper tells you that there is no more room. Dang! If you would have only reserved your spot with us, there wouldn’t have been this problem. You could have been sitting pretty with a first class ticket straight to the gates with zero waiting, but instead, you will be sent down to live an uncertain life filled with pain and anguish.

What sounds better to you, eternal happiness or endless damnation?

We’ll let you decide.

I’m sure you may be wondering, ‘How is this possible?’ Well, to this day we are the ONLY official distributor of reservations into Heaven. We are directly affiliated and sent down by The Board of Heavenly Officials, the only governing body in Heaven, to offer you one thing and one thing only: a worry free, secure way into Heaven.

No more uncertainties- You’re going up!

I am absolutely kicking myself for not coming up with this idea first. Of course it would help if I had the graphic design skills these guys have obviously used on not only their website, but on the travel pass packages they’re selling. Plus there are plenty of credulous people out there who will likely take them up on the offer let alone the number of people who will buy it as a gag gift for someone.

6 thoughts on “Give a spot in Heaven to your loved ones this Christmas.

  1. I like the “100% guaranteed or your money back” bit

    I wonder how many fundies will take it seriously and ask how the hell they’re supposedly reserving spots, where the money’s goin’ and why they’re selling. This is also direct corrution.

  2. bdoserror:  Martin Luther already got his ticket to Heaven, where he’s undoubtedly sitting in front of his Hellevision, gloating about all the witches and Jews burning in Hell.  After all, he’s earned it…

    This might be the place to mention the Post-Rapture Post again: a group of atheists who have volunteered (for a nominal fee) to deliver mail from the raptured to their unraptured loved ones after the Rapture.  Also guaranteed.

  3. Bdoserror was that a correct sentence, I always thought that indulgences were the ?cleansing? of sins by spending money.

    I ask this not to correct you but figure this out for myself.

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