Catholic church protects kids from pedo priests with a coloring book.

The whole pedophile priest scandal has quieted down a bit as of late, but for months during the height of the scandal the Powers That Be in the Catholic church kept promising they’d do more to protect kids from child molesters wearing the white collar. Finally, after months to work on the project, they’ve released their secret weapon for keeping kids safe: A coloring book:

“Being Friends, Being Safe, Being Catholic,” was distributed earlier this year to several hundred schools in the New York area as part of the church’s Safe Environment Program, a spokeswoman from the city’s Archdiocese said.

One image in the book features a guardian angel hovering over an altar boy with a priest lurking in the background.

“For safety’s sake, a child and an adult shouldn’t be alone in a closed room together,” the angel counsels. In another, the angel warns of a sexual predator attempting to chat with a child over the Internet.

Well, I’m sure that’ll solve the problem right quick.

14 thoughts on “Catholic church protects kids from pedo priests with a coloring book.

  1. What the fuck does a child and an adult being alone together have to do with the scandals. WHY THE FUCK ARE CHILDREN AUTOMATICALLY AT RISK TO BEGIN WITH? I have a solution. Abolish the Catholic religion, maybe that would help.

  2. You’d think the Church could hire the guardian angels to police the clergy, instead of just having them ineffectually hover in comic books.

  3. I have a solution. Abolish the Catholic religion, maybe that would help.

    While Catholicism has done something to rear pedophiles (chastity is bad, IMO), most of the pedos would end up fucking children in other fashion (or if they live in countries where it’s allowed, fucking animals instead).

    What I want is a statistical comparison – I want to know how much Catholic priests contribute to this. Course, that would require accurate reporting. Hah.

  4. They should sell those coloring books on late night TV.  I can see the infomercial right now…

    Hi kids, I’m father Peder and I’ve got a great coloring book here that will teach all of you beautiful children how to cock block your local priests when they start getting a little too randy after dipping into the Jesus juice one too many times. 

    Take this drawing here that lets you know you should never be in a closed room with only an adult, you and your guardian angle.  This situation sends the wrong signs to the priest making him think that you want some kind of freaky 3 way instead of just him.

  5. There’s moral authority for you: “We hold the keys to your very salvation or damnation, and here’s how to protect yourself from us”

    The Catholic church let this happen.  If I were a bishop the first case I found out about would serve as an examples to the others.  When he got out of the hospital and then out of prison, that is.

  6. dof: “We hold the keys to your very salvation or damnation, and here’s how to protect yourself from us”

    I think they’re in an impossible situation – if they did complain they’d be scorned by many + probably their parents, they can’t really say no.

    If priests are supposed to be serious about chastity, the church could get them spade/neutered, that would stop the sinnin’, and going through with it’d be a test of dedication

  7. the church could get them spade/neutered

    Ah, man, that takes me back a few centuries. The Eunuchs used to have to do the same to prove their exclusive loyalty to the emperor – which I suppose qualifies as a god under the belief system of the time. Of course, the proof had a flaw, and rumour has it the Eunuchs were a wily bunch who had their own little thing going under the emperor’s nose – particularly, that they stole gratuitously from him, and burned part of the Forbidden City just to hide the evidence of an unusually large heist.

  8. One of the early church leaders, Origen, did exactly that.  Got tired of accusations against his sexual purity.  How nutso religious would you have to be to cut off your nads in the first place, let alone in the 5th century without anesthesia, sanitary operating conditions, or antibiotics?

  9. “I gave up my nuts for Jesus!”

    Do you think there’d be a big market for those, Les?  Anyway, isn’t there something in the Old Testament that would speak against that?  Leviticus 21:16-21 says:

    And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Speak unto Aaron, saying,

    Whosoever [he be] of thy seed in their generations that hath [any] blemish, let him not approach to offer the bread of his God.

    For whatsoever man [he be] that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous,

    Or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded,

    Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken;

    No man that hath a blemish of the seed of Aaron the priest shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the LORD made by fire: he hath a blemish; he shall not come nigh to offer the bread of his God.

    Of course, this might be one of the many rules in the Old Testament that Jesus superceded.  Or did He?  There’s only one way to find out: become a Christian, break your stones, and see if you go to Hell when you die.  If anyone wants to try this out, please let us know what happens: curious minds want to know.

  10. “We know now that in the last 50 years somewhere between 1.5% and 5% of the Catholic clergy has been involved in sexual abuse cases,” adding that this figure was comparable with that of other groups and denominations (source wikipedia)

    What about the 98.5-95% who weren’t involved in sexual abuse cases? These are the good cleargymen who have been spreading the workd of God, and spreading love thru the Catholic Church. Should their work be disqualified because of the small percentage of criminal pedofiles? Hold the pedofiles accountable. No doubt, there will always be corruption and sinners. Humans are sinners by nature, but don’t you dare disqualify the 98.5-95% who are doing good clean work in the name of the church..

  11. The issue isn’t the percentage of pedophile vs. non-pedophile Catholic priests, or whether the Catholic clergy has more rapists among their ranks than other denominations or religions groups, nor is whether or not the non-pedophile Catholic priests somehow atone for the others by some kind of community service.

    The issue is that the Catholic as an organization does not care about the victims, but has engaged in a systemic and sadly effective attempt to cover up the child rapes committed by their priests and has gone out of their way to have them escape prosecution and put them into positions where they could (can?) reoffend. For that matter, I am not aware of the Catholic Church cooperating with law enforcement agencies to bring the perpetrators to justice, but instead stonewalls investigations in every way possible. It’s not surprise really, because regardless of the high moral horse the Catholic Church rides around, it’s an organization that’s preoccupied by their power, their coffers, and the well-being of the Church officers that masterminded the cover-ups.

    To put it bluntly, I don’t give a shit about the distinction between “good” and “bad” Catholic priests. The organization itself is rotten to the core with little chance of redemption. Child rape, the propagation of AIDS, the vilification of homosexuals, institutional misogyny, it just doesn’t end, does it?

  12. What Elwed said. Had the Catholic powers that be done the proper thing and turned the problem priests over to the authorities as soon as they had verified they had raped kids in their care I wouldn’t have as much of a beef with them as I do.

    But they didn’t do that. They just shunted them around allowing them to continue to sexually abuse children at each new location for literally decades. That is inexcusable. The fact that the bishops and cardinals who knew of this and made it happen haven’t been brought up on charges in addition to the guilty priests just makes things that much more abhorrent. I don’t care how many priests are good and proper and doing their jobs without diddling the choir boys so long as this sort of injustice is allowed to stand.

    Don’t even get me started on the hypocrisy of the Church trying to present itself as a moral leader in light of what it allows to transpire within its supposedly holy sanctuaries. It’s a good thing I’ll never meet the pope in person as I’d probably cause an international incident with what I’d have to say to him.

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