Man tests faith in God with lions. God tells man to fuck off.

There’s one less stupid person in the world today:

KIEV (Reuters) – A man shouting that God would keep him safe was mauled to death by a lioness in Kiev zoo after he crept into the animal’s enclosure, a zoo official said on Monday.

“The man shouted ‘God will save me, if he exists’, lowered himself by a rope into the enclosure, took his shoes off and went up to the lions,” the official said.

“A lioness went straight for him, knocked him down and severed his carotid artery.”

There’s a few possibilities we can draw from this:

  1. God does exist and doesn’t really give a shit if you get eaten by a lion.
  2. God does exist and thinks lions deserve a little fresh meat every now and then.
  3. God does exist and makes some people stupid enough to believe that God will save them if they confront lions while calling on God and then lets the lion kill said people as it brings Glory to God by demonstrating how he can make people stupid enough to walk up to lions and get killed.
  4. God does exist, but doesn’t respond well to being directly challenged to save people from their own stupidity.
  5. God does exist and would’ve saved this idiot form the lions if he didn’t already have his hands busy trying to help Bush pass the Gay Marriage amendment.
  6. God does exist and did tell the idiot to attempt this feat, but the idiot didn’t hear God when God later spoke up just before he climbed into the lion cage with a quick, “Only kidding!”
  7. God does exist, but doesn’t answer prayers on a set timetable and as such will get around to answering the idiot’s prayer sometime before the end of Creation. Maybe. Unless he’s busy watching the Sopranos.
  8. God doesn’t exist therefor it’s probably a bad idea to rely on God to save you from your own stupidity. This is the one I think is most likely.


24 thoughts on “Man tests faith in God with lions. God tells man to fuck off.

  1. You missed on obvious one.

    The common belief that mankind is the crown of creation is mistaken. It’s lions and we’re designed as food. Just another example of the wrong god problem…

  2. Let me see. I’ll channel L4T here:

    ahem. /sarc.

    Les you are wrong. He actually received a blessing.
    God clearly took him up to heaven and so his inward prayers were answered. God knows what we really want – even if we are outwardly asking for mere worldly survival. This guy really didn’t want to survive. He asked to be lowered into a lion’s cage ferchrissakes! He’s in heaven now and his deepest prayers have been answered! What a happy blessing! Jeez it’s so obvious. I can’t believe you materialists don’t get it by now.

  3. God does exist, but doesn’t respond well to being directly challenged to save people from their own stupidity.

    is the correct answer.  Remember Jesus in the desert- he refused the Devils offer of power if he just caused God to save him.

    Actually I can have some sympathy with this point of view- if my kids challenged me with ‘I will put chewing gum in my hair to prove dad loves me by stopping me, I’d be tempted to let them, then let them suffer the consequences of having it pulled/cut out.  I wouldn’t- the wife would kill me (and shes a Christian, but I don’t think the ‘Shouldnt tempt me’ argument will carry much weight if I want a jump).

    I would stop my kids actually hurting themselves.  God on the other hand doesn’t- he’s proved plenty of times the cosmic social services should be called in.

    Chalk this guy up for a ‘Darwin Award’

  4. elwedriddsche, yeah you’re right. But let’s be clear – he was only allowed to excercise his free will so that God can judge him later in a “fair” trial with all the historical facts on the record. lol.

  5. Hah… again, since God doesn’t like being tested, I would chalk it up to “wtf – you think I’m going to prove myself?” and let the guy die. That would be the biblical explanation.

    But any normal person would call that suicide – the weapon of choice? Stupidity.

  6. There’s another possibility:  God did save this guy after all.  When he went into the cage, he was an unsaved atheist, but when the lioness went for him he was instantly filled with the Holy Spirit.  He died and went straight to Heaven, where his carotid artery was masterfully stitched up again.

  7. Over at, the comment thread relating to this incident is getting interesting. Okay, so it’s basically turned into an all-out religious flamewar (those seem to be a common occurrence in Farkville anymore) which manages to pull evolution into the fray. Which is ironic, of course, since this item is clearly a perfect example of natural selection in action. I’m surprised a Darwin Award hasn’t already been administered to this poor sap.

  8. You all have it wrong! This is just natural selection finding an entertaining new way to thin the herd.

  9. Okay, so it’s basically turned into an all-out religious flamewar

    LOL- it’s like the Court usher was handing out baseball bats at the J. Howard Marshall II.
    probate hearing.  Only with cartoons.

  10. Not a double dip, but a public thanks.

    Man asks god for help- result lunch.

    Hussar asks Les for help- result membership.

    God 0
    SEB 1

    Not looking good going into the ninth for God

  11. 9.  Man didn’t donate enough to Republicans before testing faith.
    10.  He wasn’t called Daniel, and should therefore never have climbed into the lion’s den.

    It’s an all out religious flamewar?  Tell me something new.  When the truth comes out (probably found by beetles encephalized into intelligence after feasting on fish oil capsules looted from entombed health food stores after we’re extinct) global warming will have been started by Catholics and Protestants and Cathars all burning one another and witches and inconvenient ugly women with warts in the 1500s and 1600s.  And the 1100s.  God botherers jousting in binary is just limp-wristed religious handbags.  They really knew how to do flamewars in the last millennium, I can tell ya.

  12. ‘God will save me, if he exists’

    Option n+1: God would have saved him, but he doubted God’s existence.

  13. Sounds like he read about Pascal’s Wager and got it backwards or mixed up somehow.

  14. RG: Let me see. I’ll channel L4T here:

    Ahem. You know you’re going to hell don’t you? Well done. smile

    S-Sadie: Great pic, Hussar!

    Mmm. Noticed she’s not wearing white.
    Not a kitchen appliance then? Gee, I amuse me. LOL

  15. And don’t forget that story from 2000: Americans Give Up All Hope, Elect Chimp for President.

  16. Mmm. Noticed she’s not wearing white.

    Actually Ivory- most of what you can see is the burgandy wrap to hide/keep warm her shoulders.  Note how it matches my cravat? It matched the invites, the hall, the kids, the lot.  Thats a crop from the ‘confetti shot’ which sounds like Wedding Porn.

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