… and he’s ready to help you offset the problems being a dumbass brings with it. For a paltry $50 he’ll contact his close and personal friend, God, and ask him to grant you a Protection From My Own Credulous Stupidity blessing for the next year! Ed Brayton fills us in on the details:
Specifically, he said that God would bless them with three things. He would make sure they heard His voice more clearly than ever; he would make sure they were “protected from the deceptions of the adversary” (Satan, presumably, but perhaps Bill Clinton); and my personal favorite, he promised them that they would receive protection from making bad decisions – but only for one year. Just think how braindead someone has to be to fall for this kind of nonsense.
Isn’t that great? Now you can continue to be a dumbass without all those negative consequences usually associated with it. What’s really amazing to me, though, is to learn that God apparently doesn’t believe in Prayer Network Neutrality and will actually listen more closely to people who send Rod Parsley money than those who don’t. No wonder so many Internet providers want to abandon Network Neutrality. If a tiered system is good enough for God then it’s good enough for the Internet.
As for the protection from your own stupidity thing, I’m assuming he’s going to unleash a network of Guardian Angels to do the heavy lifting in that regard. Let’s just hope it’s not the same dude as in all those Capital One commercials.