So I sat and watched two and a half hours worth of G4’s three hour E3 Special Live Coverage yesterday evening and—despite my great love for all things Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb—it really really sucked. In a given hour I’d have to guesstimate that it worked out to around 30% commercials of which 80% were the same damned commercial over and over again, 20% promos for other G4 shows most of which have nothing to do with video games and only appeal to people with IQ’s equal to their shoe size, 20% lame skits and commentary from one or more of the hosts, 15% quick clips of various game footage or press briefings that almost contained some useful content along with tons of BROUGHT TO YOU BY PRODUCT X statements, 5% Layla Kayleigh’s Nipple Reports*, and 10% interviews/demos of any substance at all. It was pathetic.
*OK, so the segment wasn’t actually called “Layla Kayleigh’s Nipple Reports,” but it should have been because all anyone really noticed about it was the fact that she had nipples poking so far through the outfit she was wearing that it’s amazing she didn’t end up removing a few of the crew’s eyeballs when she waved them around. Which she did (waving them around that is). A lot. She was guest hosting a segment from Attack of the Show called The Feed that’s kind of like a brief here’s-what-is-going-on-in-the-news thing that’s half trivia and half something you might give a shit about. She’s apparently an import from the U.K. and is best known for a layout in Maxim magazine and her inclusion in the E3 coverage was entirely an eye candy affair, probably to make up for the ban on booth babes that’s supposedly been enacted at this year’s event. I have no idea what she actually said during her segments because each appearance immediately prompted a discussion among the various folks watching the show with me on whether or not those were her real nipples or one of those bras you can buy with the fake nipples already embedded in the material. Even my 15 year old daughter piped up with an astonished “What’s up with that woman’s nipples?” when she saw Layla for the first time.
So, nipple voyeurism aside, there wasn’t a whole lot worth watching during the three hours the event ran. Right near the end it got a little better as they did a relatively (for the show up until that point) decent interview with Will Wright and then played around with a demo copy of his new and hotly anticipated game Spore showing us how the creature editor worked, but that didn’t make up for the endlessly pointless filler that the previous couple of hours had consisted of. Needless to say I won’t be bothering to tune it tonight and my viewing of G4 will once again be limited to X-Play and the occasional episode of Icons.