Tom DeLay tosses in the towel.

Nothing like a bit of good news first thing in the morning to put a smile on your face. Asshat Republican Tom DeLay is calling it quits after one of his staffers pleads guilty to corruption charges. DeLay, in his best impersonation of Jesus, tried to play himself off as the martyr in his announcement:

“I refuse to allow liberal Democrats an opportunity to steal this seat with a negative personal campaign,” DeLay said in a video announcement released Tuesday, a few hours after the news broke of his decision.

Everfresh Translation: My ethics and legal troubles have finally caught up to me and I’d rather not embarrass my fellow Republicans by putting them into a situation where they’d have to kick my ass out if I somehow managed to win reelection.

Ah, I don’t really care why he’s quitting so long as he’s quitting. The House of Representatives hasn’t been the same since he was forced to step down as majority leader and things should likely improve even more once he’s out the door for good. Now, who’s next?

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