A lot of folks have been sending me an email about that Doublemint commercial that has the bearded fellow pictured over there on the right side of the page in it. Usually these emails are along the lines of, “Hey Les! I didn’t know you were doing commercials! Nice shirt! Ha ha!” But a few folks seem to think that it might actually be me.
While the fellow does have a very handsome beard there are a number of distinguishing features about him that should make it easy to tell that it’s not me. First, he’s no where near as good looking as I am. That alone should be enough, but there’s also the fact that he apparently doesn’t have any eyeballs at all or at least none that are visible within the commercial. It is true that it’s very sunny and I do tend to squint when it’s that sunny, but the only reason you wouldn’t be able to see my eyeballs on sunny days is because I’m intelligent enough to put on some friggin’ sunglasses. Then there’s that big honking mole under his right eye—note that I didn’t say it was a beauty mark ‘cause there ain’t nothing pretty about that mark. I do have a mole on my right shoulder, but not under my right eye. Another clue is the shape of his beard. It’s more tapered than mine tends to be and it also looks like it might be an inch or two longer than my beard. His hair is another giveaway. Not only is his hair line much more receded that my own (I have a pronounced widower’s peak and he doesn’t), but he has hair longer than an inch in length pulled back into a ponytail that is briefly visible when he looks at his “twin” during the commercial. Even at its longest I’ve never had enough hair to make a ponytail. It just doesn’t grow long enough for me to do that before the hair strands get depressed and commit suicide by intentionally leaping from my scalp. Lastly, this guy is tall and skinny where as I’m of average height and much heavier.
The most important clue, however, is the fact that he’s starring in a Doublemints commercial wearing a grotesquely colored shirt that even someone as fashion impaired as I am would never be caught dead in. There is a level of pay they could offer that would entice me to engage in such an undertaking, but it would be so outrageously overblown as to allow me to retire and spend the rest of my life sipping exotic drinks on a Hawaiian beach and forgetting the fact that I have ever had a blog to update. In short, the fact that I’m still sitting here banging on my keyboard is the best clue of all.