Yep, We Have A Theocracy

Know how I know this?
I opened a fortune cookie the other day and this is what it said:

“God not only will listen to your prayers, but also will make them come true”

Hardly! It felt like I was eating a communion fortune wafer.

Confucius say what? I think i liked my chinese take-out better when it didn’t embrace a particular religion. Chinese is my exotic food of choice and now it’s becoming too Westernized. Next thing you know, they’ll be putting french fries on their menus. Or Coke, even.

It’s kind of ironic though, don’t you think, that chinese is the one food we will order with no clue what it actually is. House Special Chow Mai Fun anyone? Moo Goo Gai Pan? Goo Goo Doll? Roses really smell like Pu Pu Pu Platter (when it’s for 2 ).

We may take chances with chinese food but not with religion. Religion doesn’t offer free delivery, though salvation now comes in my fortune cookie.

Still, I’m not one to look a gift God in the mouth. I’m gonna play the lottery with those lucky numbers listed below the message. Good fortune is mine for $4.99!

7 thoughts on “Yep, We Have A Theocracy

  1. Most American chinese dishes were thought up by an American back in California during the gold rush anyway. Actual chinese dishes would turn most Americans stomachs probably. There are many odd squiggly bits and eels and whatnot floating around in there….maybe some camel hump too.
        Most of the chinese places around Norfolk here do sell fries….and fried chicken wings…and yes, Coke

  2. I get the feeling you missed my attempts to be ironical, Mayo.

    Americans tend to modify everything to make it more familiar and that is often to our detriment. I’ve been to restaurants in America where chicken feet and octopus is served without apology but I’ve been to many more where I can order french fries; that’s kind of sad to me.

    I realize that part of the reason why many Americanized Chinese foods contain different ingredients is due to availability of the ingredients. Ideas that birth religion recipes are not so limited though and it should be easier to taste international/philosophical variants.

  3. I’m terribly sorry for not recognizing your ironicalness which should have been so obvious.
    I’m a dummy! I’m a dummy! I’m a dummy! <—-Bashing my head into the wall.

    My big gripe with American chinese food is the general Tso’s chicken. Every menu lists it in red, because it’s supposed to be hot and spicy. Because Americans have wimpy taste buds though, it’s always made sweet. There’s only one place within reasonable distance where I can actually get it spicy.

  4. Hey….what do you have to do in order to become a guest poster around this here place anyway? Do you have to save up a certain number of SEB proof of purchase labels or something?
        I know….Me posting something..anything, is a scary thought. I seem to be hanging out around here more than anybody else though. I’ve been here so much lately that I’m getting sandwich crumbs on everything.

  5. I can’t help but think that I’ve got a much better selection of Chinese food than you guys due to living in Chicago (as I’m sure those in San Fran would rightfully think they can get it more authentic than me).

    Oh, and “God” showing up in fortune cookie fortunes makes perfect sense.  Cookies get little pieces of paper for US consumption and ‘Heaven’ gets transmuted into ‘God.’  wink

  6. Mayo, any registered member can submit entries for consideration. Once you’ve registered and logged in you’ll see a new menu item near the top of the left-hand side bar under Stupid Evil Members that says “Submit an Entry” which, when clicked, will take you to the control panel to access the publish screen.

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