Newest candle scent? Jesus Christ.

You may not be able to see or touch Jesus before the rapture comes, but now you can at least smell him thanks to a new candle scent called His Essence developed by a South Dakota couple. So what does Jesus smell like?

Bob Tosterud and wife Karen say the formula is all spelled out in Psalm 45.

“It’s a Messianic Psalm referring to when Christ returns and his garments will have the scent of myrrh, aloe and cassia,” says Karen Tosterud.

Wondering what that must smell like, Karen Tosterud ordered those oils, a combination that produces sort of a flowery, cinnamon aroma. Then she called on a friend who just happened to be a candle-maker.

Needless to say, these candles have been a big hit with the True Believers™ out there who seem keen on buying just about anything remotely Jesus related.

“And in October, we got our first batch of 768 candles. We had no idea how it would go,” Karen Tosterud says.

But once word got out they went through 10,000 candles.

“It’s the only one on the market and everyone tells us it’s very unique and nothing like it,” says Karen Tosterud.

“We wanted people to be able to experience Christ in new ways and to be able to read a bible and have that scent and that candle as a reminder that he is with us all the time.”

“You can’t see him and you can’t touch him,” says Bob Tosterud. “This is a situation where you may be able to sense him by smelling. And it provides a really new dimension to one’s experience with Jesus.”

The candles never stay on the shelves for long. The Tosteruds say each one that goes out is like a ministry in itself.

It certainly saves time not having to do all that preaching when you can just send out a candle and have it perform all the ministry work for you. So next time you need a little spiritual fulfillment you can just light up Jesus and sit back and enjoy his aroma.

I have really got to get past my hangup about not taking advantage of the overly credulous and start earning some money off those people.

26 thoughts on “Newest candle scent? Jesus Christ.

  1. Sometimes I wish I could come up with an innovative way of playing on a mix of peoples faith and fadism the way these two have, and thereby make myself lots of money.

  2. Maybe it’s just because I’ve got just a little too much money lying around, but hell, I’d buy one. Just to be able to piss off the local believers when I ask them “Do you have a candle that smells like Jesus? No? Well I do. So Nya.”

  3. There’s still a marketing niche not filled by the Tosterud’s boring round Redolence of the Revenant: candles with not only the Smell of Our Lord, but also His Shape.

    If the wick came out of His Head, He would have an attractive halo (at least until it burnt past His Eyebrows).  And if the wick were to issue forth from Somewhere Else, the flame would first consume that
    Thingie that He left here on Earth.  Entertaining and educational for the whole family!

  4. Why not sell a box with nothing in it but a match? In your advertising you can say that an intangible invisible entity, who is everywhere, will respond if you just light the match and hold it in the air, about where a candle would be.  The resulting smell of invisible candle #32a is the underarm aroma of God Himself which will bless you all day and night, and protect you from hurricanes, tsunami’s and secular humanists. Lit up for God today, for only $12.95!

    Virgin Mary candles, #45c. with the odor of sacred pussy, can substitute for a hundred Hail Mary’s for only $32.75.

    And the combination 3-inch candle of Jesus wearing Bush monkeypants, will make a sacred stench that will drive your Aunt Molly out of the house, eradicate all evil within 100 yards, and strike dead every liberal in the neighborhood.

    It’s a bargain at $99.99, or $78.99 with coupon from Millennium Corporation

  5. the flame would first consume that
    Thingie that He left here on Earth.

    I’ve had the flu and then bronchitis for two weeks, leaving me with a few cobwebs between my ears, so forgive me if I ask what ‘thingy’ Jesus left here on earth? Considering you’re discussing the divine “Somewhere Else” I’m thinking maybe a sacred asshole? or a Perpetual Penis? I thought it was Hitler’s penis that’s supposidly in blackmarket circulation.

    And now my brain is reeling with thoughts on what it might mean to leave an asshole behind. In the most literal sense, to leave only a hole behind, would be to leave less than nothing, a void, sucking space. And how could you prove you posessed the sacred hole? Maybe it’s sitting here on my coffee table… in which case, i could sell it on ebay.

    Then, on another antihistamine-induced philosophical tangent, I guess we all leave a little hole behind – or a little behind-hole (some bigger than others) when we depart the mortal realm. If that IS what Heysoos left on earth, would it evoke a flowery scent with a touch of cinnamon? I know girls poot rose petals; my husband tells me that all the time, so I guess it’s entirely possible.

    Maybe the good folks at febreze can make a scent stories cd out of it.

    Sorry, I think it’s time to nap and let the drugs wear off.

  6. Actually, putting aside the whole it-smells-like-Jesus nonsense for a moment, I must say that the combination of smells listed does sound like it would be fairly pleasant. But then I’m just wussy enough to enjoy scented candles of just about any stripe.

    Ibbits, I’ve added you to my list of people whose comments should never be read while I’m drinking a beverage. I only hope I can get the Diet Coke out from between the keyboard keys before it dries up and sticks everything together.

  7. Les- I’m wussy that way too.  I’m sure they do smell good.
    Peter- LOL
    Ibbits- Actually, I was thinking of the Holy Prepuce, which was presumably left behind when the Lord ascended (there is debate about whether or not He was reunited with It in Heaven).  Many churches in the Middle Ages claimed to have It, and St. Agnes Blannbekin felt It for a moment on the tip of her tongue, so there’s a good case for It’s still being among us.  On the other hand, there’s this possibility:

    During the late 17th century, Catholic scholar and theologian Leo Allatius in De Praeputio Domini Nostri Jesu Christi Diatriba (“Discussion concerning the Prepuce of our Lord Jesus Christ”) speculated that the Holy Foreskin may have ascended into Heaven at the same time as Jesus himself and might have become the rings of Saturn, then only recently observed by telescope.

  8. his garments will have the scent of myrrh, aloe and cassia

    Before I read that line, the first thought that popped into my head after seeing “Newest candle scent: Jesus Christ” was three day old roadkill. 

    Yep, nothing like a corpse flower scented candle to remind us of the heavenly reward awaiting.

  9. How about Jesus Jerky, or Gummy Christs?

    Thorny Crowns cereal?

    Hot cinnamon flavered lollipops.  Instead of a tootsie roll in the middle, a big assed dollop of cinnamon oil.  Call ‘em Sinner Suckers.

    Apologies for the double dip and any nasal ejections of tasty beverages.

  10. True Believers will always be good for entertainment, that’s for sure.
    But I’ve found something even better than the Scent of Savior candle:]Pope on a Rope soap[/url]

    Wash even the most forbidden sins away!

  11. “I have really got to get past my hangup about not taking advantage of the overly credulous and start earning some money off those people. “

    But isn’t that one of the key things that separates socialists from conservatives?  We aren’t actively out to screw our fellow man?

    Also, I recall a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon where Calvin’s mom told Suzy that “It’s not nice to take advantage of people who have no common sense”.  Methinks the same principle applies here.

    But it’s all a moot point, now isn’t it?

  12. Depache Node saw this coming, as evidenced in their 1990 hit “Scratch and Sniff Jesus”:

    Your own smellable Jesus
    Someone to perfume you hair
    Someone who’s there

    Smelling like a newborn
    Freshly washed and unworn
    Redolent of a new morn

    Your own smellable Jesus…

    Reach out and smell faith!

  13. Smells Like Christ’s Spirit

    With the lights out it’s less dangerous
    Here we are now
    Smellin’ Jesus
    He smells flowery and herbaceous
    Here we are now
    with His essence
    Some myrrh and
    aloe vera

    (I’d be interested to smell those candles, too, Les.)

  14. I’ve been a’thinkin’ – this would be the scent of Jesus upon his return…well why not have a candle that smells like he did when he walked the earth…we could use our imaginations…you never read about anything being washed on him except his feet…and he wandered around in a relatively hot place, and they didn’t have soap and deodorant like we have now…so what we need to make is the “True Scent of Jesus” candle, which would be really strong, B.O.  – Probably use Cumin as the base spice, maybe mix in some curry for good measure…some valerium may help…I’m sure there’d be some takers…of course I’m divinely inspired with this one! raspberry

  15. Betcha a lot of the folks who’d buy a candle like that are the same people who rush out the instant someone sees an oil spot in a parking lot that “looks like Jesus.”

  16. The top of your website should be the opener for this email.  ever since mel gibson put out a movie and made piles of cash, these opportunists have surfaces selling everything from nails to “candles with his essence”.  Candles with his essence?  Wow.  The bible said that the Christians would be led astray.  I won’t call you a stupid evil bastard…….but I can say “what the fuck is wrong with you people”?

  17. First off this site has the word Evil……  Gods Children don’t critize nor stereotype, the combination of ingredience is in the bible people!!  Even if they are just trying to make money they came up with the idea READING THEIR BIBLE… God says Love thy neighbor not put down.  That’s what’s wrong With the World today yeah none of us are perfect, but we need to stop letting the devil deceive us.  Anything possible with God ingredience in bible “Scent of Christ”.. Stop judging people that’s God job!!

  18. Wow, that has to be the most delusional and disjointed butchery of the English language I’ve had the misfortune to read today (and that’s really saying something, considering I’ve spent much of the morning reading drivel on the Christian Forums).

    Na’Kesh, I interpret “God says Love thy neighbor” to mean that I should encourage you to take some remedial reading classes, and that you can show Jesus how much you love him by using a fucking spell checker.

  19. …a fucking spell checker.

    Ooh, ooh, OB- if spell checkers are fucking now, are they reproducing too?  If a German and an English spell checker fuck, will they give birth to a Dutch spell checker?

  20. My point has been made!!  I new I mis-spelled some words yet I still consider not to use spell check.  I spoke to a friend and just said, he’ll probably go off about my spelling and all.  Yet I said maybe he’ll look pass that and get what I was saying.  I guess not.  You proved my point I was trying to make.  Why would you put so much energy on being Negative?  I still Love you who ever you are and some people just don’t get it till something bad happens in your life.  I will pray for you!!

  21. You proved my point.  I just told my friend you probably would respond Exactly how you did.  I Love you and will pray for you.  I not just saying this.  People just won’t get the big picture till something bad happens to them or someone they Love

  22. I see English isn’t Na’Kesh’s primary language. Neither is common sense.

    I Love you and will pray for you.

    Save it. You and I both know it does no good. Your praying to your idiosyncratic deity brings peace of mind only to yourself, and I would wager that it obviously hasn’t brought peace of mind to you, since you feel the need to proselytize to others in a futile attempt to help yourself feel more secure about your religious beliefs.

    Ooh, ooh, OB- if spell checkers are fucking now, are they reproducing too?

    Now that’s a fucking disturbing thought! big surprise

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.