What can I say? This guy, Paul Ford, cracks me up. In his latest blog entry he showcases three (fictional) games:
America’s Army Special Ops: Abu Ghraib
The United States Army (PC)
The choice of weapons is really interesting, too. You start out with a crate, a cattle prod, and a Bible, and by using them in different ways you get more weapons to use. For instance, after you beat a detainee with a Bible, you get pork and bananas, which you can either (spoiler alert) feed to the detainees or insert into their rectums, or both. But it’s not as easy as it sounds! The detainees will eat the bananas, but they’ll get really angry if they have to eat pork.
Okay, so that was a little predictable. The last one, though, had me in stitches:
Cat Ball Shaver
Otaku Shimbun Kanawasi Studios (XBox, PS2)
There’s just not much more you can say about that one that wouldn’t be putting rubbing alcohol on the … oh, never mind.
I was considering what I would put into a Stupid Evil Bastard RPG. Would it involve a combination of tech support, meta-games, shooting at a TV showing Fox News, and a parade of “Don’t Be That Guy” people? Would Jon Stewart pop up in a monkey costume? If you put on a Hawaiian shirt, there would be a little Brock that would run in screaming, tear it off you, and torch it with a Bic lighter. There would be cats, of course—but with or without balls to shave? Maybe John Cleese’s voice as the voice of God would speak up every so often and speak non sequitur lines from various holy books to confuse you just as you were taking aim at Donald Rumsfeld, who’d be cowering in an uparmored thong.
Oh, the possibilities …