Best gaming online!

What can I say?  This guy, Paul Ford, cracks me up.  In his latest blog entry he showcases three (fictional) games:
Best Overall

America’s Army Special Ops: Abu Ghraib
The United States Army (PC)

The choice of weapons is really interesting, too. You start out with a crate, a cattle prod, and a Bible, and by using them in different ways you get more weapons to use. For instance, after you beat a detainee with a Bible, you get pork and bananas, which you can either (spoiler alert) feed to the detainees or insert into their rectums, or both. But it’s not as easy as it sounds! The detainees will eat the bananas, but they’ll get really angry if they have to eat pork.

Okay, so that was a little predictable.  The last one, though, had me in stitches:
Best Gameplay

Cat Ball Shaver
Otaku Shimbun Kanawasi Studios (XBox, PS2)

There’s just not much more you can say about that one that wouldn’t be putting rubbing alcohol on the … oh, never mind.

I was considering what I would put into a Stupid Evil Bastard RPG.  Would it involve a combination of tech support, meta-games, shooting at a TV showing Fox News, and a parade of “Don’t Be That Guy” people? Would Jon Stewart pop up in a monkey costume?  If you put on a Hawaiian shirt, there would be a little Brock that would run in screaming, tear it off you, and torch it with a Bic lighter.  There would be cats, of course—but with or without balls to shave?  Maybe John Cleese’s voice as the voice of God would speak up every so often and speak non sequitur lines from various holy books to confuse you just as you were taking aim at Donald Rumsfeld, who’d be cowering in an uparmored thong.

Oh, the possibilities …

5 thoughts on “Best gaming online!

  1. In that Stupid Evil Bastard game we’d have to see how quick we could get the Geekmom pregnant AGAIN, whack Christian schoolteachers with a mallet and save a game so it could go to heaven and we could return more easily to the point before we died. Maybe we could receive Pop Tarts instead of points and seaweed would be a primo resource to gather so we could smoke it.

    Having to shave balls sounds kinda gey though.

    Other than that, I have no idea what you’re talking about, Geekhotmamma. grin

  2. That said, you’ve made an elementary category error, GM- SEB is already its own RPG.

    Its a Massively Multiplayer-one too.

    In another vein you could call it ‘Sim Mental’.

  3. … Christian schoolteachers with a mallet and save a game so it could go to heaven…

    And then when you go back to the saved game, you start with all the stuff you had before but your body has shrunk down to a baby’s—that way you can be born again.

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