The Polar Express: Worst Piece of Commercialized Tripe Ever

I dunno if anyone else saw it, but I was ‘forced’ to see it with my family, and it sucked… it sucked REAL bad. 

Visualization/Graphics:  Pretty good, but it saddened me that with all the tweaking you can do with a movie that you can’t do with a game… HL2 looked almost as good. 

Story:  Loosely strung together tripe… which is almost understandable considering it’s derived from a children’s book less’n a hundred pages long… still there’s no excuse for shoddy writing. 

Meaning:  This is the part that fucking pisses me off.  It was all commercial bullshit.  The stuff that makes me hate Christmas in the first place. Gifts, and nothing else but gifts, were the most important part.  Sure they threw in some references to love, joy, peace and all that other bullshit, but the one moment that movie COULD have shined (but didn’t) is the little poor boy, lived in a shanty, pretty obviously didn’t have money for presents.  Well, he’s sad pretty much the whole movie because he gets nothing anyone else gets for Christmas and, justifiably, he’s upset about it.  Well, what did they do to fix it?  Give him presents! Kid is now happy, end of story.  What… the… fuck? 

Conclusion:  I am of the opinion that The Grinch Who Stole Christmas (Jim Carrey’s live action version) is THE MOST fucking AWESOME Christmas movie made in recent times.  Hell, even the old animated one they still show late nights on TV is better than this crap.  Also to its credit: Both these movies were made from source material and both were better due to some awesome writers.  Both movies had good actors (except perhaps the animated version of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, but I really don’t know who did the voice overs for THAT), the live action version of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas had Jim Carrey, The Polar Express had Tom Hanks… it wasn’t the acting that killed The Polar Express, it was the shoddy writing and overt commercialization.  Actually the voice overs (and the Hobo) were probably the only redeeming qualities of this movie. 

Closing Statement:  This movie sucks and presents don’t make everything in life better.  Christmas should be about more than buying shit from stores.  The Polar Express fucked this up while The Grinch Who Stole Christmas got it right (even after he stole the presents, they still got together and started to celebrate).  This is the ‘Best Children’s Book Turned Into CGI Commercialized Movie Tripe You Should Never See.’

15 thoughts on “The Polar Express: Worst Piece of Commercialized Tripe Ever

  1. I haven’t seen the movie yet but I had read the book to my kids annually since it first came out. The message I got from the book was more hopeful than what you have described of your viewing of the film. The book inspired a sense of wonder and awe and that sometimes hope/happiness can be found when and where you least expect it.

  2. The Polar Express…crap? Well, I really enjoyed it. Maybe it was because I wasn’t forced into seeing it and didn’t have a huge brick wall in my way when I went to view it. The movie wasn’t just about presents it was about hope and the magic of Christmas. I thought that the movie was beautiful and I was actually going to buy it and I want to see it on IMAX really bad. I think someone else may just be looking for presents with a review like that….*shakes her head*

  3. Die Hard – still the best Christmas movie ever.

    Followed by Gremlins and Die Hard 2.

    (so I preferred Die Hard 2 to Die Hard with a vengeance, flame me)

  4. Actually, I really don’t.  I don’t want ANY presents this year…quite honestly I hate Christmas, I hate what it’s become.  I hate the commercialization, I hate how it’s been glossed over with fancy commercials, and all that shit.  It pisses me off to no end.  Besides, how the fuck am I gonna get presents from posting a guest Review on a Blog?  No one here has my address, I’m not even sure if anyone knows what City I live in.  None of my family reads this blog…  rolleyes

    I dunno, I just feel that Christmas should be about more than presents….maybe I interpreted it wrong, but when one of the last scenes is the poor kid finding he’d finally got what he wanted for Christmas…..and no poor kid’s EVER really going to get presents from Santa Claus…..meh.

  5. Best Christmas movie ever? Scrooged. Nice and bitter with just the right amount of sarcasm. The main character is named Frank Cross and in the background of one scene, while he’s working out, we see a sign that says…

    Cross, Noun, A thing they nail people to.

    That alone was worth the ticket price.

  6. what got me was when they are picking up the poor kid in the first place and the really annoying kid (played by eddie deezen) says “we’re heading for the other side of the tracks!!” 

    what tracks??  THE TRACKS THE TRAIN IS ON??  how can you be heading for the other side of the tracks if you are ON THE TRAIN, WHICH IS RIDING ON SAID TRACKS??

    plus the elves were creepy as hell

  7. Ya, you are totally right, dude.  Fucking Christmas should totally be about fucking peace and love and joy shit, right?  I mean come on, fucking Christ was fucking born on Christmas Day, assholes. 
    I hated the movie too, by the way.

  8. Awful plot. Hard to believe it was a book to begin with. I absolutely hate the fact that I have to sit through this crap to watch a series of other christmas movies i like on ABC family. This shouldn’t even qualify as a christmas movie. I didn’t think it was possible but they made animated characters that can’t act worth crap! I despise this movie!

  9. I agree. This movie sucked. No idea why places do showings of this garbage every year. F’n sheep.

  10. This movie is pure shit. I hate it. I dont know why every year this piece of shit needs to be paraded about.

  11. F this movie. Hate it hate hate it. Hated when I saw it in the theatres and cringe thru every moment my 5 year old watches it over and over. Absolute garbage of a plot. Creepy hobo, santa worship, annoying kids. Just believe people. And presents. F this.

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