Bible To Be Banned - Satan Expected To Speak At DNC Fundraiser

In a continuing effort to show us, through example, cool dirty tricks and surefire ways to have one’s opponent burned at the stake, the Republican National Committee admitted to the following:

RNC Says It Sent Mail Warning Bible Ban
Washington AP News
Sep 24, 7:38 PM (ET)

The Republican National Committee acknowledged this week that it distributed campaign literature in West Virginia and Arkansas warning voters that liberals want to ban the Bible.

When reporters asked about the mailings on Sept. 17, RNC Chairman Ed Gillespie said he wasn’t aware of the material and did not confirm that it was distributed by the GOP. However, Gillespie said it “could be the work” of the party.

Contacted Friday by The Associated Press, party spokeswoman Christine Iverson said the GOP had already acknowledged it was the source of the mass mailings.

The literature claims that “the liberal agenda includes removing ‘under God’ from the Pledge of Allegiance” and shows a Bible with the word “BANNED” across it. It also shows a photo of a man, on his knees, placing a ring on the hand of another man with the word “ALLOWED,” a reference to same-sex marriage.

The mailing tells people to “vote Republican to protect our families” and defeat the “liberal agenda.

If President Bush wins re-election, people along 52nd Street in Kenosha, Wis., might think it’s because Joseph Torcaso predicted he would.

“I’m the oracle,” Torcaso said as he stood outside Tenuta’s, an Italian restaurant about 35 miles south of Milwaukee.

Bush stopped here between two campaign events Friday in southern Wisconsin, a state he narrowly lost to Al Gore in 2000. White House chief of staff Andy Card spoke with Torcaso outside the restaurant, across the street from Torcaso’s shop.

“Is it true that all the politicians and all the candidates in Wisconsin come and find out what’s going to happen in the election by talking to you?” Card asked. “We heard you are the person to go to.”

“I’ve been pretty lucky, pretty lucky,” said Torcaso, a seventh-generation shoemaker dubbed the “Mayor of 52nd Street.”

Jessica Dorau, a 17-year-old employee of Tenuta’s, shook hands with Bush.

“His hands are very soft,” she said. “He must use some powerful lotion.”

At another campaign stop, as Bush spoke at a park in Racine, Wis., a protester revealed a T-shirt with the word “LIAR” and was escorted from the crowd.

article continues

The RNC is expected to further reveal that if Kerry is elected, immediately after his inauguration, all male newborns will be murdered in an effort to control the growth of the republican party.

Bush is certain to publicly wash his incredibly soft hands of the Bible ban propaganda and could not be reached to confirm that he is privately pleased as punch with his campaign chairmans.

Additionally, tomorrow, CBS News is expected to release documented proof that Bush received 4 Purple Hearts, 2 Bronze Stars and an OSCAR during his stint in the Texas National Guard. These documents purportedly reveal that during those many months Bush was unaccounted for, he was secretly serving in the Galactic Star Force’s war against invaders from Mars. Apparently we won!

OK, so I didn’t speak about Satan addressing the DNC fundraiser. It happens so often, I decided it must be old news by now.

More, as it sneaks in…




11 thoughts on “Bible To Be Banned - Satan Expected To Speak At DNC Fundraiser

  1. Got that wrong, Brock. Bush is a regular guest on *Satans* fundraisers! You should see him turn on the charm on the sinners.

    The old horned one asked him not to bring Cheney and Ashcroft, though, because he’s a little scared of those two.


  2. So… what keeps you up in the night sweating in fear?

    1) Some people are actually going to believe that liberals are going to ban the bible?
    2) That a 17 year old could only talk about hand lotion and hands being soft in a manner that would have been really creepy if it was a guy after meeting with the president.
    3) Hundreds of Ronald McDonald dolls may actually possess more mental capability than some people who are going to elect a president.

    Meanwhile, in related news female lesbians begin a legal action agains the Republicans for discriminating against them in their latest fliers.
    “These fliers show male hands and talk about men getting married with another men. What us females, why have they not mentioned about us? This is a clear case of discrimination.” Miss Loretta Lexbox spokesperson for the group Equal Opportunity Homosexual Discrimination, who is bringing the action.

    “It is as if we females did not matter again.” Cried out one supporter at the court.

    RNC spokesperson Mr Hardy Von Horn dismissed the charges as politically motivated. He invited the group to come in for a consultation at the local RNC HQs. However, Mr Von Horn refused to answer the charge that the group members had to sign an Oath of Loyalty that looks a lot like a contract to film something. All Mr Von Horn said as he rubbed his hands together is that the video camera is there is serve us all.

    In an other unrelated story, there are reports that the RNC had purchase a buge amount of the powerful lotion Bush is suspected of using. One seller spoke on condition that he remain unnamed, remarked “All the buyer said was that this was going to be for personal use and to allow us to practice our love just like the OB/GYN.”

  3. I fully agree ingolfson, that the Bush camp well knows how to spin a cause, often playing out secret deals with the devil as innocent and pro-actively advantageous. The Bible ban ruse is highly affective if you cherish the Bible’s symbolism, and I’m not even surprised this tactic is being used, but I’m disappointed when suspecting the high number of idiots who will be swayed by it. 

    Pop Tarts, I’m humbled. You humorously approached aspects of the issues that I hadn’t even considered. Thanks for the laughs, and the talking points.

  4. Now picture for a minute there was an antiChrist.

    Who fits the bill better? Kerry who is lied about and persecuted regularly? Or Bush, in whose name thousands commit perjury daily?

    Someone who spoke against wars, or the man killing thousands of civilians with little care to any of it?

    Often when I meet fools who wish to “convert” me to the faith of George Bush, I’ll start screaming about how any Christian with their head not firmly planted up their ass knows Bush is the antiChrist and should be shunned by decent God fearing people everywhere.

    Tends to shut them up. Some even walk away mumbling to themselves about how much that would explain things.

  5. Now picture this for a minute.  Let’s apply Occam’s Razor and cut out the Antichrist and just assume George Bush is just a fear mongering idiot.

    capcha =‘better’?

  6. There are huge numbers of stoooopid crackers who believe this.  Their lives are based on Bible-thumping fear and Shrub is tiny-minded fear mongering who plays right into their hands.

  7. Far right conservisitve christian/republican extremists are the biggest hypocrites imaginable:  how can they say they are pro-life, yet in supporting war they are pro-death?  I mean there’s no point to argue with these brainwashed cult members who walk around like zombies in their illsion world, but they really need to get their stories straight.  They are against stem-cell research that could cure thousands & thousands for horrible debilitating deseases…Against destroying a ball of cells that cannot think or feel, yet they all support sending grown human beings with a family/kids to care for.  What a sick distorded morality. In addition, in being anti-stem cell research, that means supporting the early death of those people suffering from the debilitating diseases.  Either side they choose they are supporting the death of humans (whether a ball microscopic cells you could never see with the naked eye or a grown human being)…now which would you prefer? And since they are against abortion, I think each christian/republican should be forced to adopt one of the thousands of unwanted children who grow up & whom most are never adopted.  Plus, if they are against the destruction of embryos, then they should stop being the number one consumers of artificial insemination. Finally, since they support an ever-growing human population which cannot be sustained by our earth nor by our economy, they should be forced to commit suicide and do the world a favor!  Thank you.

  8. Ok, I think this is crap. Satan is not a bastard. If you actually go through the Satanic Bible, all is fair. People who do good are fine, people who do bad get punished. It’s exactly the same everywhere. So think about this before you post this shit. I wouldn’t mind a reply.

  9. Um, OK, how about this: Try reading the thread again. Not sure what the hell you’re bitching about, but it doesn’t appear to have anything to do with what the thread was about.

  10. Figures that I’d get accused of bashing Satanists while actually bashing silly Christians. Not that I have any respect for Satanists either.

    The world turned upside down: Satan is a stand-up guy. Is that weird or what?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.