Jesus puts in appearance at True Value store, buys a hammer and some nails.

Apparently bored with making appearances in various pastries and random trees, Jesus decided to drop by a True Value Hardware store just because he happened to be in the neighborhood.

The image first appeared on a True Value store window on July 19 and caused employees to wonder where it came from.

Since being discovered, the image has not faded.

People at the store agree that the image resembles the face of Jesus Christ with a crown of thorns.

Reportedly Jesus is said he doesn’t understand what all the fuss is about and he really wished people would leave him alone so he could buy the supplies for the project he’s working on for his Dad. It seems the venerable carpenter was working on a miniature wooden model of Noah’s Ark in celebration of God’s 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000^15 birthday. “Friggin’ Jesus freaks,” he was heard to say, “Wish they’d get a friggin’ life.”

21 thoughts on “Jesus puts in appearance at True Value store, buys a hammer and some nails.

  1. That ain’t a crown of thorns, it’s a bandanna.

    Looks kinda like the latest Guns N Roses guitarist, Buckethead.

  2. Having sat through the Mel Gibson gore flick ‘The Passion’ I think I can see what people are talking about.

    My only question is why would Jesus appear at a place where wood and nails are sold?

  3. After enlarging the picture I’m convinced that it looks more like a princess from the Karen Tribe of Burma.  The disproportionate long-neck and blunt facial features fit perfectly.  Maybe the Karen are God’s chosen and True Value is his way of letting the world know.

    BTW: I saw ‘momma’ in a glazed donut today.  Yummy.

  4. I actually created some Gods in my time grin. Most of them were just poor imitations of Judeo-Grecian pantheon figures, I guess. But then, I only needed to convince the other guys from my AD&D group wink

    Makes you wonder if one should follow Hubbard and open up a church! All those people in need of something to invest (time, money, energy) in…

  5. I look up at the clouds sometimes and think I see bunny rabbits.  Yeah, I don’t buy it.

    After looking at Spocko’s enhancement I’d have to say, if anything, it looks like he’s sticking his tongue out at everyone.


  6. I see two things when looking at the picture:

    1) Ceasar Romero as the Joker and
    2) Skeletor in the tangle of ‘hair’

    Maybe it is because I am not predisposed to seeing the holy in common objects, but Jesus it aint. Then again I once thought a german shepard was lunging at me one winter morning as I waited for the school bus only to discover, after loosing a piercing shriek and falling to the ground in the fetal position, it was my shadow. Maybe I’m just too limbic.

  7. The local media reported what people thought they saw without raising questions about the validity of the image. Why am I not surprised?


  8. Personally I don’t see anything other than a dirty window or possibly a slight decay in the crystaline structure of the glass itself (this being quite common in store/business windows, as they do not use normal house window type glass). In windows that are tinted, this same effect makes it look like an oilslick on the glass. Next thing you know, someone will see Jesus in a bowl of Rice Crispies. -rolls eyes-

  9. Next thing you know, someone will see Jesus in a bowl of Rice Crispies

    Does it count as communion if they eat the cereal?

  10. My only question is why would Jesus appear at a place where wood and nails are sold?

    Well, he was a carpenter…

    If he’d been an electrician, the Romans would have put him in the electric chair.

  11. Maybe J.C. changed his mind in the last 2000yrs.,
    and is coming back to wreak vengeance on the living relatives of whoever crucified him.
    You know like his dad said earlier: an eye for an eye, the vengeance is mine and all that!
    Just your regular generational conflict: kids never do what their parents expect of them.


  12. Next up: reality show where first-century carpenter discovers Ace Hardware.  Sponsored by… Ace, of course!

    “So anyway, Dad, I stopped in at one of their hardware stores, and you wouldn’t believe the tools they have now!  55-tooth circular saws with tungsten carbide teeth, waterproof wood glues, Japanese pull-saws, perfectly balanced hammers, and fasteners called screws! Quick-set clamps, levels that use a beam of light, planing tools that run on controlled lightning… it was amazing.  Paints and stains like you never imagined.  To think of the things I could have made with tools and materials like that!”

    Capcha: see, as in “you see what you’re looking for and miss the rest”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.