Whale terror in Taiwan!

Looks like those pesky terrorists will use anything to carry out their attacks these days. As a precaution, President Bush has issued an emergency proclamation banning whales from being transported in any major U.S. cities.

Update: It occurred to me on the way into work that the most frightening thing about this development is the fact that not a single airport metal detector currently in use will detect someone trying to smuggle a sperm whale onto an airplane! Congress must act right away to beef up airport security to prevent terrorists from smuggling dead whales onto planes headed for the U.S.!

14 thoughts on “Whale terror in Taiwan!

  1. Terror?  I thought it was a Taiwanese whale gut block-party?  But seriously, that’s the coolest thing I’ve seen in a while.

  2. will detect someone trying to smuggle a sperm whale onto an airplane!

    Authorities today detained a man trying to board a flight when they noticed a suspicious 56 foot bulge in the man’s coat.


    “What do you mean I can’t put it in the overhead compartment!?”

  3. “Sir, could you please explain why there’s a 56 foot bulge in your pants?”

    “Well, I’ve been getting all these offers for penis enlargements in my email and I couldn’t decide which one to try so I thought I’d try them all and…”

  4. We need to grab everyone who even *looks* like a terrorist and strip-search them for Sperm Whales on the spot!

    *snaps rubber glove*

  5. See, it’s all that focusing on the ‘Sperm Whales’ that is going to let another 9/11 happen when crafty terrorists board jumbo jets with common harbor porpoises and bludgeon their way into the cockpit. Come on people!

  6. I can’t but help to question your patriotism, Eric. Don’t you even realize that you’re clouding the issue? It has been shown that cockpit doors are proof against porpoises of all kind.

    It’s the weapons of mass(ive) marine life we have to be worried about!

  7. It seems terrorists have been disguising themselves as pilot whales. They were only interested in diving, not resurfacing….

  8. I love it! This thread is entertaining the hell outta me!
    Terrorism happens! No sense to blubber about it.
    As long as we stand as one nation there can be no spermanent damage from these attacks.

    On a separate note, I was reading Yahoo News and couldn’t seem to see a news title that read “Aircraft Crashes Near Lagos” as saying anything other than “Ashcroft Crashes Near Lagos” I excitedly scanned the story to ascertain whether he survived. Eventually, after finding no gory bits concerning Ashcroft, I went back and read the title correctly, but why can’t we ever have good news for a change!

  9. Good Cod Ingolfson, would it krill us to check a passenger not just for whales but all manner of marine life? The Halibut is that you don’t have to be a rocket sturgeon to hijack a plane now a days, just crab a porpoise or two and who needs Moby?

  10. I goot (gut?) terrofish. Please tuna your attention to me. I wish no to make a long salmon on the mount, but we must stop spending squidillions on brine-washing the good public.


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