So I’m sitting here watching the news before going to work when the commercial for the Radio City Christmas Spectacular comes on, again. It’s a week from Halloween and I think I’ve seen this stupid ad at least 40,000 times already and at least twice in the past hour alone. Normally I just ignore it, but this morning for reasons I can’t fully comprehend I’m actually paying attention to it. Maybe my ADD medicine is kicking in sooner than normal, but I can’t pull my eyes away and the following thoughts are floating through my horrified brain:

“Who the hell wrote this jingle? It sounds like a bad take on a laundry detergent ad out of the late ‘50s.”

“Santa is looking pretty scary with that fish-eye lens effect they’re using on his face. Poor bastard is already fat and they make it worse by using a fish-eye lens on his ass.”

“Why is a line of women kicking their legs up in sync still considered such a big fucking deal? I’ve seen more complex dance choreography in a Vanilla Ice music video.”

“Oooo. They have three new scenes this year. I wonder if they’re as cheesy looking as the ones they’re showing in this commercial.”

“Dammit. Now that stupid jingle is stuck in my head…. (singing) never was there ever such a Christmas show… Aigh!”