Armed man on tricycle attempts piss-poor carjacking.

This is one of those entries that just speaks for itself:

News –

Police got involved about 9:30 a.m. after receiving a report of a person firing shots in Northgate Park.

“Reports were received a short time later that this person was riding a large tricycle south on Fairhaven Avenue NE, from the park, toward Silverton Road,” Cary said.

As the adult-sized tricycle approached Silverton Road, a dark blue Ford Taurus was headed west. The driver, Marion Rodriguez, saw the tricycle coming and slammed his brakes—but the tricycle hit the side of his car.

“The tricycle pilot picked himself up and demanded to be taken to the hospital,” Cary said. “Mr. Rodriguez told him that a better option would be to call 911.

“At this point, Valenciano opens the rear car door and hops into the back seat of Mr. Rodriguez’s car, demanding to be taken to the hospital. Mr. Rodriguez gets out of his car and starts asking people to call 911. Valenciano then gets out, mounts his trike—and promptly falls over.”

Cary said a police car, en route to Northgate Park to investigate the earlier report of shots fired, arrived and stopped because people were waving it down.

Then things got serious—and comical.

“Valenciano abandons his tricycle and gets in the front passenger side of the Taurus, now holding a handgun,” Cary said. “Officers approach the Taurus, see the weapon and order Valenciano out of the car. Instead he puts the car in gear and tosses a handgun out. He fails to notice that the emergency brake is still set.”

The car lurched west on Silverton Road to Lansing Avenue, where Valenciano lost control and struck a street sign and telephone wire at the southwest corner. He fled, but Cary said officers quickly found him seated in a sport utility vehicle in a parking lot.

“He’s holding his hand over his face, hoping the officers won’t see him—but they do,” Cary said.

After he ignored commands to get out, Cary said, police then used pepper spray to force Valenciano out and arrested him.

Valenciano was treated at Salem Hospital for a leg injury, apparently suffered when he struck the Taurus, and a gunshot wound to his left foot. “At this point, it appears that the gunshot wound was self-inflicted,” Cary said.

Yet another helpful reminder of why you should remember to take your medication in the morning.

4 thoughts on “Armed man on tricycle attempts piss-poor carjacking.

  1. Y’know, it’s not like you can just go to the store and buy that particular brand of stupid off the shelf.  You have to be born that way.  I mean, sure high voltage power lines, or proximity to a reactor could be factors, but generally speaking, you have to just be plain ol’ stupid.

    How do you fall over on a tricycle?  Isn’t it designed so that children, old folks, and people with inner ear disorders WON’T tip it over?  Wow.

  2. I’m truly amazed at the stupidity that is still roaming the streets these days.  You’d think that with thousands of years of evolution Darwin would have removed all of the idiots from the gene pool by now.

  3. I cirulated a copy of the original post to folks on my email distribution list.

    Here is a response from a college days buddy.


    This is a typical happening here in Florida, the weirder, the more common it seems. Several weeks ago, a man was mad at his girl friend so [he] rammed the trailer home she was in with his pickup.  Of course it was his own trailer home.

    Stupid abounds.

  4. I started reading, and then noticed that the street names sounded very familiar. That happened just a few miles from my apartment, and was reported in my local paper.

    Anyway, that was before I got here. It seems that in Oregon, as soon as somebody gets behind a steering wheel, they lose all common sense and decency. The bicyclists seem ok. I haven’t seen any tricyclists, but now I know to watch out for them too.


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