New York…it’s a fine city.

A crime wave has hit the Big Apple and black-hearted criminals stalk the streets, no sooner did the city clean up times square of the vagrants, the porno shops, and the prostitutes a new menace has reared it’s ugly head. Take heed gentle reader and travel not to New York if you hope to avoid such malcontents as Sal Boyd, this vile bastard was fined $400.00 dollars for having too many words on his store awning – good job Mayor Bloomberg! Or how about the gripping case of Jesse Taveras? While taking a break from braiding hair at the salon where he works he flaunted his criminal contempt by sitting on a milk crate outside – that will be $161.00 in fines for you my slacker friend, another coup for the good guys. And is there anything more vile than an elderly man of 86 sitting in a park feeding the birds? He might as well be exposing himself to little children! A $50.00 fine for you senior citizen X – go feed the coffers of city hall for a while.

While I say this all tongue firmly in cheek I was reminded of our little click it or ticket campaign designed to separate us from our cash and I wonder, how long before my cash starved state blows the dust off of some old book of laws and fines me for wearing tap shoes outside of a Baptist tent revival? It could happen.

5 thoughts on “New York…it’s a fine city.

  1. I’ve been following that story out of New York since it started brewing a short while ago. I mentioned the milk crate ticket here a little while back and since writing that I’ve had a bit of an Epiphany.

    What’s going on in New York is one of the possible consequences of over-legislation. Every time some law maker comes face to face with some minor injustice or some situation that offends their sensibilities they immediately set about to right this wrong with a hastily conceived and written law or regulation. Of all the laws and regulations written and passed in a given year I’d be willing to bet that a good half of them will never be enforced beyond one or two times after they initially go into effect.

    The problem is those laws and regulations don’t go away. They continue to sit on the books waiting for the day that someone like Bloomberg decides their enforcement is a good way to raise funds. Because they go for so long without being enforced the likelihood of ample violators is high because no one knows there’s a law or regulation that affects something they are doing or have done because it’s never been enforced.

    Yet the law is the law and ignorance of the law is no excuse. People like Bloomberg can even claim the moral high ground on the basis that he’s enforcing laws that his predecessors have ignored for too long. Not his fault if most of those laws are ridiculously stupid.

    The point being that our politicians need to be a little less enthusiastic at passing legislation at the drop of a hat and we, as citizens, need to pay better attention to new laws that are going into effect. Especially if we have to vote on them. Consideration for the long-term effects should be taken into account or you’ll end up with a lot of bad legislation on the books just waiting for someone like Bloomberg to take advantage of it.

  2. You two should do a point/counterpoint kind of thing where you both blog in the same entry rather than in comments – it’d flow quite nicely, I think.

    And I wanted to give you a big fat hello.

  3. I totally agree, and to that end here are just a handful of laws I found since I posted:

    In North Andover, Massachusetts citizens are prohibited from carrying ‘space guns.’

    In Vermont it is illegal to deny the existence of God.

    In Miami, it’s illegal for men to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.

    In Massachusetts you must have a license to wear a goatee.

    In Connecticut any dogs with tattoos must be reported to the police.

    In Normal, Oklahoma you could be sent to prison for “making an ugly face at a dog.”

    In Sterling, Colorado, it is against the law to allow a pet cat to run loose without a taillight.

    In Clawson, Mich., there is a law that makes it legal for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.

    In Tennessee, a man must walk in front of any car driven by a woman, while waving a red flag as a warning.

    It is specifically against the law for a woman over 200 pounds and attired in shorts to be seen eating onions in a restaurant or any public picnic in Ridgeland, South Carolina.

    In Blue Hill, Nebraska, no female wearing a ‘hat which would scare a timid person’ can be seen eating onions in public.

    If nothing else, all laws need to be reviewed and the ones that are patently absurd need to be repealed. As long as they are on the books they can be used as a justification for fines, harrassment, and incarceration. How would you like to tell your cellmate that you’re in for making an ugly face at a dog?

  4. Didn’t you know space guns are a growing danger on the east coast?  They are quickly becoming the handgun of choice

    I believe there is law in some rural part of Michigan against having “cows in the kitchen?”
    I suppose that’s for all the obsessive fresh milk drinkers out there.

    Stupidity in Action is frightful.

  5. These are amusing, or stupid laws—depending. As I recall, it’s illegal in Michigan to leash your alligator to a fire hydrant. (No, I’m serious on this one.)

    However, from the land that brought you buckets of mass destruction, I submit these especially fun laws:

    If you and your family decide to take a your bike on the BIKEPATH in Kensington Metropark, you have to wear a helmet or they will ticket you and forbid you to ride your bike. A fun local (township) law you don’t find out about until you have travelled an hour to get there.

    And speaking of fun laws you don’t find out about until you get there…stow your perfectly legal Michigan pistol (maybe even hunting rifle) in the trunk of your car while travelling through Mass without the appropriate Mass permit and prepare to spend a year in prison. No argument, or real way to defend yourself. Repeatedly sustained in court.

    And for a rowsing good time, check the sodomy laws of most states—and find that what you do in the privacy of your own bedroom can land you in prison for 20 years. (Not Michigan—as I recall it got struck down by a lower court judge in the ‘80’s as unconstitutional.) But don’t worry if you’re straight. They NORMALLY only go after gay people with the sodomy laws—you’re probably safe.

    Enjoy your freedom!

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