I have reached a decision.

I have decided it is time to turn over a new leaf in my life and make some sweeping changes. First I have renounced atheism as a philosophical standpoint and have become a member of the International Raelian Religion after a long night of soul-searching and heavy drinking. Out of all the religions in the world my extensive research has shown me that the Raelians are the only ones who have “gotten it right” and I am already making arrangements to ensure my own immortality by being cloned repeatedly to generate a stockpile of at least 30 frozen replicas of myself ready to have my consciousness transfered into their brain in the event of accident or onset of terminal disease. By my estimates I should be able to utilize these “backups” of myself to stretch my life span well into the next century assuming the mother ship doesn’t return first to take us all to heaven. Either way, I’ll be around to see it happen.

Secondly, I will be changing the name of this website from “Stupid Evil Bastard” to “Intelligent Virtuous Gentleman.” In light of my recent conversion from the evil of atheism I have come to realize the rather negative and critical nature of my website in it’s current form. In order to more effectively promote growth in my fellow human beings I will no longer taunt the willfully stupid nor grouse about the growing acceptance among the greater populace for pseudo-science and fundamentalist religions. Instead I will attempt to show these people the error of their ways only through the use of positive and uplifting statements reflecting my love for all of mankind and my enduring optimism that, together, we can all overcome our differences in belief and opinion through mutual understanding that can only be accomplished through unconditional love and constant positive reinforcement of their incredible worth as people. Only through boundless love and compassion can we hope to grow as a people and embrace each other in the oneness that we all so desperately desire deep-down inside our hearts. Evil acts are a result of negative energy and thoughts powered by the minds of countless wayward souls, but all Evil can be overcome once all minds think nothing but positive and loving thoughts.

I hope that all of you who visit this site find this change to be the incredibly wonderful and positive experience I know it will be! From now on it’ll be nothing but love and happiness wherever I go!

9 thoughts on “I have reached a decision.

  1. Go in peace, Intelligent Virtuous Gentleman…but before the Raelians commit mass suicide try to get a sweet endorsement deal like the Heaven’s Gate people did with Nike.  You know, just in case you’re reincarnated after all; you want some cash in the old bank balance to start all over again.

    Raelians.  That’s fucked up right there.  wink

    (And I would *pay* to see you try to be “love and happiness” wherever you go – this post was hilarious.)

  2. What? You don’t think I can pull off the whole “love and happiness” thing? I could do it…

    If I had to…

    Under, you know, pain of death or something…

  3. Damn time differences – April Fools Day was so over a day ago.  I have a short attention span.

  4. Well if you Aussies would just slow down and wait for the rest of us to catch up with you we wouldn’t have this problem. But nooooooo… Gotta be ahead of the pack… Can’t wait for your buddies in America… Haven’t you ever heard that patience is a virtue??


  5. Actually if the Australians slowed down to wait for us the tectonic plates would crash together violently tearing great rents in the Earth which would result in catastrophic earthquakes, lava flows, and tidal waves. Please Australia, for the love of god, do not slow down!

  6. Theres a line from a Lemonheads song that is always my comeback to the “patience is a virtue thing.” “Patience is like bread I say – I ran out of that yesterday.” 

    It’s hard to slow down in this high paced cutting edge hyper-society that is modern Australia.  But we’ll give it a bash and see what happens darl.

  7. the Raelian religion is a complete joke and I do hope that you were kidding about joining. Please tell me you were intoxicated while writing your last update.

  8. Well, this wasn’t my last update. Look at the date it’s published and see if you can guess if I was joking or not.

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