I’m doing better.

Yesterday wasn’t as bad as the past couple of days in terms of my grieving process. I managed to only tear up a couple of times at work and I was pretty much back to normal for most of the night. I found myself able to laugh again. I mean really laugh as in full-on-from-the-belly laugh. Anne and I had a small argument and worked our way through it. Life was back to what passes for normal around here. Instead of the searing pain I felt for the past few days whenever I happened to think of Bill I found it was more of a dull numbness. That means I’m making my way along the process right about as I should. The numbness will pass in time as well. I’m not angry about the whole situation anymore as long as I don’t dwell on it.

The viewings for Bill will be held later today. I’ll probably find the pain will return for awhile today as well as tomorrow when the funeral itself will take place. I have been given the great honor of being one of his pallbearers. This will be the first time in my life as a pallbearer. It’s an honor I hope I don’t have to repeat too frequently in the future. I miss him terribly already.

I realize my blog has become a somewhat depressing on-going saga on this tragedy, but it is starting to come to a close. I’ll probably talk a little about how the viewings or the funeral went and then I’ll start getting back to my usual mix of poor attempts at humor and general bitching about stupid people. I promise. Thanks to all of you who have kept reading during this difficult period.

8 thoughts on “I’m doing better.

  1. I think you should talk about it as much and as often as you need to. Grief is a tricky bastard. Especially as the investigation into the idiot who caused the accident progresses, new feelings may come up for you.


  2. Was investigating Moveable Type site, saw your weblog link… clicked it and was amazed. I’m just opening the door into the blogging world and your site is perhaps my second or third experience.
    I wanted to say thank you for sharing your life with the world – the grief, anger, hatred… it may seem negative to some, but I understand the desire to share.
    I was deeply touched by your entries about William Owens – how truly awful. May you rise back to joy. Judging by his photos, I’m sure he would have wanted that.

    Thanks again

    I’ll be reading

    M. Douglas Wray

  3. Doug, thanks for the kind words. I got into blogging because I was amazed at what it provided. An opportunity to put a face on the “faceless masses.” We go through life passing each other on the street or in a crowded mall and we don’t notice each other unless one of us does something to annoy the other. Each of those faces is a life with a history and a story and wants and desires and ambitions and goals. By reading other people’s blogs that simple point got driven home for me. Seeing as I’ve spent most of my life feeling like people didn’t understand me I thought perhaps blogging would be a good way to give them the chance. Good luck with your new blog. It can be a very rewarding activity.

    Robin, thanks for the hugs! Always appreciated and needed more now than ever.

    Brian, I’d imagine it’d have to be a fairly large stick. grin

  4. What Brian said.

    When my dad died back in October, blogging about it all helped me get through it. It’s not easy, but, as you’ve already noticed, the bad passes and leaves you with good memories.

    Hang in there, Les. We’re all supporting you, should you need it.

  5. thanks for thinking of us, but do what you gotta do. let it out! i got a feeling you would listen to any of us smile actually, please keep us posted on the developing investigation- and i’m glad you’re feeling better.

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